The Emirates Diary - Part 1

(For all those of you who had fooled themselves into believing that the constraints of work & the most singular charms that living in Abu Dhabi offers me would make me give up blogging altogether...well...guess who's back..!!

Of course no alibi shall quite suffice for my absence from my blog, I first tried to buy time over the excuse that I wouldnt blog until I bought my lappy...& when that happened..I told myself that I of course couldnt blog on a regular basis until I had net conection at home...& then I inexplicably resolved to give up everything else outside of work until I was done reading all of the Harry potter books from book 1 through to the Deathly Hallows...& though I have still no net connection at home...there shall be no more stalling.... I AM BACK...!!!

Enough of my histrionics....On with the post then people...!!!)



How it all began.....


It had not yet been even 2 weeks since I had returned home from that wonderful Kodaikanal trip (Oh Shyam...what would I do without friends like you, who arrange for free match tickets & great trips..!!!!) & it was already the First of June....the day I had to leave for Abu Dhabi...



For some reason, not once did it seem to be an intimidating prospect to move to another country, especially one that many ignoramuses of my country still dismiss as a murky islamic state with barbaric rules. Perhaps it was because I was used to going away to places for assignments & that it had become, if not a habit, atleast something quite close to it, to not expect that which I havent been guaranteed & to not fear that which I havent experienced myself...



But naa...this aint the cold indifference that it otherwise sounds like....Rather I would say that it was an overwhelming belief that everything was happening for the good (MY good of course..!!! :P ) & so it was this pleasant mindset that I bid my loved ones goodbye & made my way into the Hyderabad international airport...

All the formalities of international travel & other blah-blah turned out to be no sweat after all (Ok...one guy who turned up near me & gave me his blank immigration form & asked me to fill it for him but refused to reveal his name, passport number, occupation & contact details was a good laugh..!!! )& Although this wasnt actually my first trip outside of India, considering the fact that Bhutan requires neither a visa nor any full-fledged immigration formalities...It could well be said that my first genuine trip abroad was going smoothly so far...

The flight was the usual fare (But why o Why was I given that wretched Indian Airlines, which has now been rather ridiculously named "Indian"...!?!?!?) of course, that is if you ignore the fact that the guy immediately behind of me complained that his seat was getting quite hot (WTF..?!?!) to which he was cordially told to just stay wherever he was & not beckon the air-hostess until he could actually smell his ass burn..!!!

It was finally around 00:15 IST (My watch was still showing Indian time) that I arrived at Sharjah (A guy was to pick me up & drive me to Abu Dhabi)...However, if all sounds incredibly peaceful & boring so far, unfortunately it wasnt to be the case from this point on....

Tales of first overseas journeys often come with their accounts of helplessness & despair & this tale ended up being no different...

Since I had initially been mobilized on a visit visa...I had to go to the sponsoring agency to collect my original visa (I needed to do that to get my a$$ outta there..!!)...what greeted me there wasnt a boring old counter with a few sleepy uncles...It was an army of Indian uncles, aunties, guys, gals, infants & whoever doesnt fit in the aforementioned categories, literally fighting with a single uncle, to whom , it appeared, the most welcome thought at that moment would be to fired outta his job...!!!
& so I joined the mob too....eventually getting to the counter (which wasnt a big deal...everyone was getting to the counter...how long u managed to stay at the counter though, wasnt for u to decide, coz u gotta go where the crowd pushes you..!!!) & handed over my fax copy visa to the counter to which he replied something in an apprarently archaic tongue...I promptly replied that I dint know arabic...but he seemed to merely repeat his earlier mutterings with greater authority...& then it struck me..I hadnt recognized the tongue coz I hadnt been anticipating it...But how could I not realize that he was speaking in Malayalam...the Gulf...the land that has long been unofficially conquered by the Mallus..!!!!! :D
When I finally let him know that I knew none of mallu...he then replied in english & proceeded to look for my visa...

10 minutes...& no sign of my visa yet..Uncle tells me to wait & come back again after around 15 mins...& so I wait...taking this opportunity to soak in whats happening right now...The quick exit I had planned wasnt quite materializing...But, I told myself, its after all no big deal, my visa will be found in no time...

Meanwhile a gujju family (I have lost count of the number of times I have seen Gujju joint families with HOT newlywed brides..!!! :P ) with 2 decent (& I aint referring to their Indian values here people...!!)daughters sorta gave me company coz after all...who would let go of a chance for some solid timepass over "Arey Beta. tumhara visa abhi tak nahi mila...?!?" or "Ab kya karoge tum beta.??..tumhe koi tension nahi hai..??"

20 mins later I return to the visa counter uncle...He searches for 5 mins more...No luck this time either & I am told to repeat the same routine of standing a little distance away & returning with the hope that I arrive at a good muhurat for Uncle to search for my visa...

30 mins since I first arrived at the counter...50 mins...1 hour...An hour & a half...& yet my visa was nowhere to be found....Things had already gotten way outta hand...Now it was no more a question of when I would get my visa & leave, but whether there was any visa of mine at all...& whether I would be allowed to get outta this wretched place...

All of my co-passengers had long since left...More passengers came & left, Emirates, Air-India, Air-Arabia..all gone...& I was left with a mere handful of folks...none of whom had had to endure the ordeal for as long as I had...

With nothing better to do or no more thing for reassurance...I proceeded to give the mallu visa uncle a continued grimace of extreme anger & hatred...

& when it had been 2 hours since uncle had first spoken to me in mallu...uncle called in another guy to help him find my visa....& how long did it take for the new guy to find my visa...??? The whole duration of 2 minutes...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why I had been tormented so much coz of the incomptence of a half-blind officer, I never bothered to know or ask...For now...it was time to get the hell outta here...!!!

When all the relevant visa/passport formalities were done I made a sprint to the baggage claim area hoping that in the enormous delay, my baggage hadnt been assumed to be unclaimed & sent away elsewhere....

But I was spared of another spell of torture coz I found my luggae, wasnt difficult to find, after all, in the whole of the baggage claim area of Sharjah Airport, mine was the only one around...& that too rather conspicuous coz the bags seemed to have toppled over each other....

In all of the chaos...I glanced a look at Sharjah duty-free airports & knew in a hurry why UAE was such a happening destination...It was as if someone had accidentally opened a portal to heaven right in the airport, & on the other side of it, everything seemed to be only made of happiness, fantastic wares & of course...no taxes...!!!!

But there was no time to be spent in the duty-free shop now...not with all that happened already...I resolved to check out duty-frees next time I travelled..Also noting that if this was the Sharjah duty-free, how good would Abu-Dhabi & Dubai duty-frees be..???

Anyways...when I was finally outta my airport...it was 2 AM Indian time (UAE is 1.5 hours behind India)...But if you thought that I already atoned for my sins tonight & had endured enough to deserve a comfy trip back to Abu Dhabi....well, it wasnt quite meant to be yet....

I found no signs of anyone waiting for me...No placards...the few sleepy drivers hanging around seemed to have nothing to do with the likes of me...

I walked up to the parking lots looking around for some car, some person who would emerge as an angel to save me from what was becoming a nightmare, but apparently, none was around of that description...

So now I had managed to get outta the Airport...but was stranded just outside of it...With no means to go anywhere beyond...

I checked out my mob...& although I knew my Airtel connection from Trichy wouldnt do me any good in Sharjah...To see the service going blank at this moment felt like someone had made me breathe through freezing water...

But there had to be phone booths here somewhere, there always are some in Indian airports....This unearthly was no time to call my HR but by all means, this was a time to panic...

& I did find phone booths- a couple of them...& yet when I looked around for a slot to drop coins into...I could find none...& then I saw why.... The phone was operated not on a coin-mechanism...but by means of swiping an Etisalat (Thats the numero-uno telecom provider across much of the middle east & the african arab countries) card through a slot provided...much like a credit card machine...

My dirham coins were no good to me anymore..!!!!.I could have bought a calling card from the duty-free shop back at the airport...But now I would never be let in...I was stuck outside an airport which I had been struggling to get out of, with noone to receive me...no mobile connection, with money that could do me no good

This was too painful to be true...It just didnt sink in...This wasnt meant to end up as the horrifying nightmare that it had become...I had become an unofficial prisoner in an islamic state where I knew none except my HR correspondent & noone would believe that I was an official employee because I had arrived on a visit visa...

With my face sunk in my hands & with my body involuntarily contorting itself in a stae of extreme frustration & despair, I must have made a rather disturbing sight at the few sleepy drivers hanging around at that god-forsaken hour...

There was nothing more that could be done....I had to somehow brave the night & then think about how I was to go from Sharjah Airport to Abu Dhabi...The fact that I didnt even know where I was to stay now made my cavernous, cob-webbed room in pearl hostel appear so inviting....

Yes..if only I could have stayed back in my college...never be drawn by the riches that have blinded me...remained a worthless urchin for life....if only...if only...

Something shook me off my dreamy state...the hands of my watch had rearranged themselves to show that the time was now 3 AM IST...& then outta the murky darkness came a man...looking like he had been woken up roughly while he had been dreaming of wonderful desert babes & wanting nothng more than to be told to go back to sleep again...In one hand he held a cigarette that was calously held in 2 fingers....& in the other...No..!!! It couldn't be....But it really was..He was holding a placard with my own name & the company name on it..!!!!!!!!

I walked up to him like a crazed man & told him in what unintentionally ended up sounding like an order..."You have come to pick me..!!!!"

He looked like someone had just smashed a bottle on his head...But his expression of sheer shock was now what my face must have had when I saw him with a placard of my name...

No time was wasted...We hurried into the car & within no time we were on the road...AT LAST..!!!

On the way....he told me that he himself had been waiting for me for 3 hours & had made up his mind to return to Abu Dhabi thinking that I had probbaly postponed my journey & had just returned as a final confirmation. Well, what could I say, if luck had deserted me so far, at least the last shreds of it had miraculously rescued from what would otherwise have been, an incomprehensible struggle...

Something told me that the pain was all over...It was gonna be fine from now..& I sunk into the plush seats of the fine car that had been sent for me...marvelling at the outstanding 10-lane freeways that have yet never been seen on Indian roads...but are a common feature across all of UAE's streets...

All of the driver's words about how he had left Kerala (Of course...how could be anything other than Mallu..?!?), about how he coudnt believe that a 21 year old was offered as much as I was...blah-blah, washed over me like a pleasant stream of shallow water as I soaked in the lovely street lights that seemed to be so much higher & golden...nothing like what I ever got to see in India....

It would be too difficult to stay awake now...& so I sunk into my comfortable seat & slipped into a delightfully comforting nap...with faint visions of seeing beautiful streets & houses as if from, a distant mirror...

& then I was finally woken up by my savior when we had arrived & when I saw, where we had come, my jaw had nearly dropped of...

"I am to stay at the Millenium Hotel..?!?!" said I with a look of wonder that found expression inspite of my overwhelming fatigue...

"Yes Sir...you will be fine...Just tell them your name & our company name & everything will be done..Goodnight..!!!" & he was off into the night...

& so it was that I walked into the reception , where I was received most warmly by a delightful filipino gal who immeddiately summoned a bell-boy to take away my luggae & show me my room...

Perhaps I wasnt prepared to hear my mother tongue being spoken to me here in the middle east, especially when I was too dazed to register anything of what was happening...But now I realized that the bell-boy(who turned out to be Bangladeshi) had obviously figured out my ethnicity coz of my surname & had taken this chance to talk to someone who shared his own native tongue...

While the lift made its way up to my floor...It stopped in between & then entered a woman of such unearthly beauty as cannot be described, with fierce blue eyes & dark-blonde hair...& though such features are distinctly caucasian...there was something distinctly, may I say it, "Aryan" about her facial disposition that made her that much more stunning...I had just come face-to-face with the most beautiful human female race on the planet...the Lebanese...!!!

But she wasnt alone...in came 2 Arabs....complete with their full-body white robes & the queer piece they wear over their heads...with a look of intense madness & they gazed longingly at the beauty next to me...eyeing her in full-detail, resting particularly long to admire that part of her body where, either God, or a lucky surgeon had been very generous to her, & then greedily licked their lips...to which the lady merely responded with an inviting stare & a bite of her lips...It was all too obvious what was gonna happen...There was gonna be a threesome starting any moment now not too far from me.... If only the folks back home could see what was happening here..."Conservative" & "Strict"...??? I couldnt help laughing in mockery at those poor ignoramuses back home....

& then...I entered my delightful room..at 5:22 AM IST...So wonderful...So much more than what I could have asked for & switched on the TV as though it was the right thing to do at the moment...& the TV came to life with a wonderful female voice saying "Welcome to the Millenium Hotel Abu Dhabi, Mr. Bhattacharya"...!!!

It had to be heaven...or a heavenly dream..Nothing else could explain how wonderful the bed felt...how everything seemed to go from a horrific nightmare to a state where nothing more could be asked for...

& thus...I slipped into a most delicious trance....oblivious that at the other end of it I was to wake up to my first day in the United Arab Emirates,...My first day in Abu Dhabi,..My first day...as an NRI...!!!

(...To be Continued..)

When Cows Attack..!!! - Part 2

After reading through the previous post , You might have been asking yourself – Ok, so the cows at your place eat a lot more paper at your place and are willing to put in a great deal more of an extra effort just for that lil bit more of paper…Big deal, is that why they scare you so much..?? Duhhhhh..!!!!
That does sound ridiculous doesn’t it..?? And the fact is,that it is ridiculous..!!…Coz their mere obsession with paper could only be amusing or at the most, annoying to me, but fear..?!?! Of course not…!!
That comes with its own story..!!! ( You aren’t surprised, are you..?? )

Let us now turn our attention to two interesting scenes :

Scene 1

I owe this to the thambi friend of mine whom I have already introduced in this blog as the guy who told me to “Don’t use Bad Words da” (Aah…Man…if u are reading this, I never tire of laughing at you. Thanks for being so inherently stuck up in chaos..!! ).
So one day my friend was cycling back from god-knows-where back to the hostel thinking about what jigs he could do in class to keep up his daily duty of kadalai (For those who are familiar with colloquial tamil, You don’t need me to explain this to you…As for the others, you could say it’s a reasonable synonym to “flirting”,…aur hindi bhaiyon, samajh lo ki ye apun ke baasha me laundiabaazi hai…aur agar ye bhi samajh nahi aaya…tho phir bas chup chaap g***d mara lo ..!!!!)…when he found a buffalo (not a cow, but close enough) happily (?!?) eating away at the grass (or atleast that’s what my friend thought it was eating..!!) and so he decided to try some fancy facial expression which would have the gals swooning over him ,( Uhhh..!!! Dude…Get a life..!! When will u come face to face with the truth…?? ) on the buffalo itself expecting it to admire (?!) his “charm” (WTF..!??!).

Well..the buffalo did react to his “charm”, by suddenly unleashing a frightening grimace and preparing to chase him down (Was it coz the buffalo had some “matter” to settle with him coz of his “excess charm”…?? I wish I knew..!!! )…
If my friend thought that his “strong legs” (?!) & his "fast cycle” (?!) would make the buffalo eat afterburn..He was mistaken bigtime… The buffalo was on his tail in no time at all…with a vicious stance pointing its nasty big horns (which my friend managed to notice, were more than capable of destroying his “perfect” @$$..!!!) right at…well…u needn’t be told, right ..??
Unfortunately for him , none of the lucky persons who witnessed this one-of-a-kind buffalo escape sequence even gave a thought to help him out, and why would they…?? They were getting to watch an incredible movie style laugh-riot unfold right before their eyes…I wish I was there myself…would have rolled over laughing my @$$ out for sure..!!!
Meanwhile..things were getting really tuff for the “charming” hero…The horns couldn’t have been much more than 6 inches away from his @$$, when he sees to his joy that he is nearly there at the gate of our hostel…& so in an epic move that would have done Akshay Kumar & Ajay Devgan proud during their days in the 90s as flop-action-movie stars, my friend did the “daredevil” stunt (?!) of leaping off his cycle and throwing it to the side in a thorny area …& running away into the hostel…
The buffalo continued for sometime on the same course of impact it had taken & eventually realized that it had lost its “charming” target…& then (according to reports), abruptly gave up all of its hostility and started feeding on whatever grass & paper it could find…

Later that day when my thambi friend recounted the events to us, he expected us to commiserate him with sympathy. Unfortunately for him , though none of it was forthcoming...All he got was shameless rascals laughing it out at their friend’s plight…!!!!

That day…I wished out loud that I could get to see atleast one more of a similar cow/buffalo encounter…Should have been careful what I wished for…Coz the wish was granted in less than 2 months time….and I wasn’t exactly laughing when the smoke finally cleared…

Scene 2

Me & my mallu pal Sriram were at the Pearl tea shop…But since both were well aware that with the big gang of cows around us tonight, tea wouldn’t be the best bet to see us through to hostel, alive, we played it safe with a pastry each…
So we were just laughing talking of some arbit g***du joke when we notice that a cow was looking at us pretty sternly as if we had just mothered his mate [assuming the cow was a “he” & was also not gay (unlike a couple of dogs I once saw in “action" ), if it was a “she”, then…hmmm…donno what would get her so charged up..!!!!].
So..we decide to play it safe & walk away gently..Coz we anyway had nothing to fear…We dint carry any paper..& cows don’t go for cakes( Or so could be safely assumed)
And what does the cow do in response to our withdrawal..??

It charges at us at full speed…!!!!!!!!!

Eating cakes was no more our priority, I was too scared to death to realize just how much panic had been stirred up amongst all of the losers who had gathered around the tea shop, & also when exactly I had thrown away my cake in a fluid motion…
This was all about survival..& I wasn’t gonna be rested in peace..much less coz of the actions of a mad cow..!!!!
Many encyclopedia & informative books will tell u that the top speed that can be achieved by an average cow is higher than that of an average man…What it does NOT tell u is that cows can also accelerate upto that higher speed much quicker than a man…Boy oh boy.. Did I get a quick lesson in that when the cow seemed to catch up with us in a real hurry…& was getting too close for comfort..!! (Comfort..!?!? WTF..!?!?) & Then I remembered how my thambi friend escaped from his mess & so change my direction and sprint at full pelt…& guess what…It worked again..!!!

The cow kept on chasing Sriram until he also figured out that a mere turn would fool the cow…& when the cow lost sight of both of us…He/she again lost all hostility in a hurry & turned to some bakras with paper cups…
However, in my maniacal sprint of fright, I had a hard fall on the paved surface outside the hostel and although, pavements aren’t as rough or abrasive as…lets say..a stony field, they are still considerably harder,and the blunt edges of the pavement were very unforgiving to my leg that day…I had bleeding wounds across my knee, but all that paled in comparison to what had happened to my foot, a big chunk of epidermis tissue had come off entirely off my foot. It pained like hell, bled like a faucet and looked..uhh!!! lets not even talk about that..!!!

Though its been nearly one & half years since I had that encounter & that fall.. the wound on my foot where the skin has peeled off ,still remains as a permanent mark to remind and teach me that

• Cows are really fast…Don’t race them on..!!!!
• It is not just paper that drive cows mad…It could be anything…Don’t mess around with gaai log..!!!
• And, most importantly, cows are blind to direction changes when in pursuit, if u are being chased by a cow, don’t try to outrun it..Coz u wont be able to…Revert to a change in direction..!!!

Believe me, It isnt very flattering to be laughed at by friends after u have been scared to death and have just had a lifelong scarring fall… (Although looking back at it…It was a really amazing experience..!!) I now realize what my thambi friend must have felt..
And that , my friends, is the reason for my morbid fear of cows….Ever since that day, I turn into a scaredy-cat whenever I see a cow (esp. if its within the NITT campus) get too close to me…
I don’t say this with pride…Coz there is no pride to be laughed at, right when u were impressing everyone with ur eloquent words, just because u have been frightened to death by a cow who wants to take away the paper cup in your hand… !!!

But well….things don’t always remain the same…


On my last day in my college, I finally decided to clear the labyrinth of paper & old books from the spidery crypt that my room had become. The ward boy (who, if rumour is to be believed, is in fact a eunuch/hijda/chakka ) had come earlier to tell me that I should call “him” (well…I guess that’s the closest pronoun I could use for him ) when I am disposing of all the old paper in my room…
And so…I took it all out…Old newspapers, All of my classnotes (which,until 5th sem had been a lifeline for many…), all my question papers, answer sheets, drawing sheets, Xeroxed materials, brochures, envelopes, old & forgotten letters and a great deal more of papery junk,all were dumped before my room…& then…beyond the hostel …I could see….a cow, not looking menacing or intimidating, but foraging around , looking for…could it be paper..??

I looked at the humongous pile of paper…& began going through a few options in my head…
By giving away all the old paper to the ward boy, I would help him & perhaps some other scrap dealer some money…People would also say that I had contributed in recycling of paper, an eco-friendly and economical measure.
But hey…I have spent two months during my summer internship in a recycled paperboards manufacturing mill (Could it be coincidence, paper & cows..all over again..!?!?), and I have seen enough to know that manufacture of recycled paper is neither as “economical” (the factory I worked in, was making losses) nor as “eco-friendly” as people think it is ( I was working on decreasing the effluent losses)…
I know, that it no way justifies the cutting of trees to manufacture paper, But I wouldn’t let go of this chance to complete the food chain as nature had ordained it to be…& without giving it another thought..I went with all of my paper and dumped it before the cow…

The cow then looked up to me with a look which was so pure, so innocent and seemed to ask ..“Is all of this, really for me ?”
To suggest my approval...I backed off & seated myself comfortably on a make-shift seat. Not to look a gift-wrapped (Quite literally) paper meal waiting in the hot sun, the cow came down hard & merciless on the paper…

Sitting there & watching the cow, I found an odd sense of comfort in knowing that all of my newspapers, writings, drawings, all of the exam papers where I had scored so heavily had not got lost in some other human dealing…But had helped feed a poor creature which had terrified me for so long for no fault of its own. (But hey…when I think of that painfull fall, I still say it was the bovine’s fault..!!! )
Pretty soon…two more cows joined the feast ..But there was enough to go around for all of them & so, none was denied a truly gourmet meal…

Eventually the ward boy came along, horrorstruck at seeing the cows eat the paper. He shooed them away & managed to salvage a sorry fraction of all that I had gifted the cows…
He then looked at me with a savage delight, hoping to find an affirmative to his shooing away of the cows…But all he saw on my face was a wicked smile mocking his puny efforts…he knew…he knew right then…It was all my doing…& he had been too late…!!!

It was this encounter that shall perhaps remain my last with the cows at NIT Trichy…
Maybe the Cow Gods will bless me with salvation, so that I may be freed of being haunted by the most frightening cows on earth, for my noble deed in feeding some of their own…

AMEN..or rather…. MOOOOOO…!!!!

When Cows Attack..!!! - Part 1

Cows..!??!
I have gotta be outta all the freakin intellect I am so proud of..!!! How the hell can I have the nerve to follow up posts on Fests, Interview experiences, p***yish tuff, social enlighteners & even wannabe dark posts with..*dare I say it*...Cows..?!?!?! Isn't that whats on your mind now..??

But before u think of me....Take my word for what it is...This isn't the bullshit it literally appears to be (Or atleast...it isnt altogether boring ) Those of you who have known me closely for the last couple of years or so...Will know that a post on "Cows" just had to make it to my blog sooner or later...As for the others...Read on to know about the four letter word that has become , to me, one of only the three things that I genuinely fear (The other two are confidential for now) the most dreaded of them all....the four-letter word that is...COWS..!!!!


Of course, Cows weren't always so intimidating to me...Before I had left to college ..Cows remained what they were always taught & believed to be...Calm, Quiet & peaceful creatures who had their own languid of going about their daily routine which always put you at ease. For that matter, cows remained no big deal for the best part of my first 2 years in college. Agreed that at times cows outnumbered Humans in my college campus (Who am I kidding..?? They dint just outnumber us students "at times" they were always in majority from day one of my stay in college..!!!! ) but they never got the attention they so rightfully deserved.

But then...times began changing....& there was something inherently "different" about the cows we had in my college, something which, in the beginning seemed like an ordinary tendency for any cow...However, when I tried to try out a few experiments on cows elsewhere in different cities, I found that results varied widely, & in some cases the behaviour which was so prominent in the cows of NITT was entirely absent in the cows elsewhere...

So what was so unique about the cows on my campus u ask..??
Well...nothing much really...Just that they could do anything for PAPER..!!!! And when I say anything...Boy oh boy..do I ever mean it....they will do just about anything...Fight each other horn & hoof, charge at the nearest pile of paper within their radius of visibility (Of course, their uncanny precision at times suggests to me that they possess an extraordinary additional sense to satiate their appetite for paper) & even... have a showdown with the innocent guy (I have never seen a gal face this...so wont assume to the contrary...I guess they have enough issues with dogs & crows & dont need to be reminded of cows as well ) who had chosen the wrong time to be caught with any kinda paper in his hand....

The most infamous of the paper attacks ever was without a doubt, the one (or was it two ?? whatever..) occasion when a Cow took the liberty of relieving a guy of his lab record by making a meal outta it just because he dared to believe that leaving his record on his cycle stand while he was having lunch would save it from the wrath of nature. Perhaps he wasn't wrong...since when did cows gorging on paper become an act of nature..???
Unofficial reports (Of course they would be unofficial....What "official" news medium did u expect in a campus..?? ) say that the next day...the scene in class when the age-old "The Cow ate my book" excuse became,…well...much more than an excuse,… was one of the most precious class time moments of my batch..!!!

Of course...cow attacks for paper aren't as rare or even as extreme as the above incident suggests...In fact, its a way of life at NITT... Everyone who has a puff or a pastry in the Bru snacks shop and/or Pearl tea shop and/or Jade tea shop knows that you are in for seriously big trouble if u dont get rid of the paper saucer or whatever it is that lets you hold your food,in a hurry...& if u are having tea/coffee/soup in the ultimate gourmet dish for all cows...the paper cup...You better always bear in mind that the paper cup is NOT your property...and has to be immediately offered to the cows to sustain the peace treaty that has been existing between cows & students for ages.
Anyone who has the affront to keep the paper cup for himself or even keep holding it for a minute longer than the maximum allowable time shall thereby be at the mercy of the cows who may choose to do as they please with him...as people whose asses has been poked into by (luckily) not the very sharp horns of our cows shall testify (Agreed that the blows weren't hard...But it still would have hurt..!!! )

Those of you who think that it is perfectly normal for a cow to like paper just because paper are pretty much "processed wood fibre"..Then think again, coz I have tried offering cows in Hyderabad & Kodaikanal, paper while they were eating grass (To determine which one they prefer)...& a few cows sniffed at the paper, some licked it and just took a bite and then left it, and quite a few (Especially those gigantic Kodai cows) didn't even bother with the paper and gave me a look which suggested "Get a life kid...you think I will ever eat this @$$wipe..?!?"

But lets return to talk about the mutant freaks, which are called “Cows” at the NITT campus....
Often...they would look for paper in the most unexpected of locations...For instance, one fine day..I found a cow always staying annoyingly close to me even though I deliberately did not take tea to avoid the same coz of paper cups...& then my junior told me..."Its coz of the slam book that u are carrying..!!!"
Whoa...It chases the paper in a closed slam book too..?!?!
Now that is some desperation..!!! Come to think of it...that was probably also the reason why cows also found my cycle so much more interesting than those of the others coz I had retained some of the original paper cover so that I could use it as an identification....Huh...talk about demand for food..!!!!

But then again...There are times...when Cows become too complex to understand or describe...when things go beyond a mere excessive appetite for paper.... resulting in events that become inexplicably entangled in memory...

& That is what shall form the concluding sequel to my post(s) on COWS..!!!!

……………Stay tuned coz there is lots “Mooooooooo”re to come !!

A tale of two cities.....& two fests....& two companies....& all that jazz..!!! ( 25th Jan - 19th Feb '07) Vol. - 4

THE SECOND COMPANY...

The week following Pragyan rolled by uneventfully (often confused with "peacefully")..& with "The World is Flat" getting pretty dull after the chapters on the "The Ten Flatteners of the Modern World"..(Well...what else could I expect from a guy who declared that the world was flat..& was in fact rejoicing at his preposterous claim..?!?! :O)..I turned to the Inheritance trilogy with "Eragon" & "Eldest" proving to be the closest new read which came to having me hooked to it since the harry potter series...(Hail Argetlam.!!!)

On 5th Feb...I got a mail from a guy in Technip Abu Dhabi saying that he had received my CV from our coll's placement dept. & was very impressed with my credentials & "wanted me on board" their group...after a telephonic interview.
Hmmmm....flattering indeed...but was it again gonna deceive to leave me with nothing to smile about..??
The telephonic interview was eventually scheduled for 11 AM on Sunday, 11th Feb....which was further confirmed by a call from the guy who eventually took my interview...
A frantic search of all petroleum-related books began on esnips ( why was it that a lot of stuff that i "studied" during the 5th sem were startin to make sense only now..??).
The telephonic interview was taken by the same guy who had mailed & called me earlier & this is what happened...

Me: Good morning sir..
Him : Goodmorning Shubhankar...how are u doing..??
Me : Blah-blah (Hmmm...actually I dint blah all that much...just told him I was doing gr8)
Him: So...howz the weather there..??
Me: ummmm....Its pleasantly warm out here (Ya rite...lets take a walk in the park...duhh..!!!)
Him :Oh then it must be a great place...!!!
(Yup...this place is great...when I came I was told it hadnt rained for 2 years...next year we get cyclonic rains in May when it was supposed to be dry..we then had your usual-next-door Tsunami...& the year after that..it rained so much that trains & buses were closed to & from Trichy...yup..Couldnt have imagined anything better..!!)
Him :I am very impressed with your CV...especially your academics...
Me :Thank u sir....blah-blah......& that is why/how I manage to get good grades inspite of hardly spending anytime studying...
Him:( Sounding like this was a first for him) Ohhh..!!! Thats very impressive...!!! Hmmm...so u got AIR 665 in AIEEE...then why did u choose chemical engg..???
Me: blah-blah...
Him : Oh very good..!!! (Arey sab kuch ke liye "very good" kyun kar raha hai maamu..!?!?)
Him :So...whats the objective of applying to our company..??
Me : (aise ich yaar...socha tere saath thodi long-distance timepass karloon...!! :D) blah-blah...
Him : Thats very nice...are u sure she only told u good things about us & nothing bad..???
Me :Yes sir..(ab phir se poochega tho mein tujhe confuse kar dunga..!!)
Him : Good...so lets start off with some technical questions now..Whats your favourite subject..??
Me: Petroleum engg sir..(Plz....dont fail me now...pretty please..!!!)
Him: ahaan...what in petroleum engg..??
Me : blah-blah....
Him: But what about Fluid Mechanics, Thermodynamics & Heat Transfer...arent u confident in those subjects..???
Me: Yes sir I am (shit..!!! should have read those..!!!!)
Him: Fine then we shall discuss those for the time being..
( Great...just great...the 2nd time in successive interviews that my choice of fav subject has been made redundant...)
Him : Ok...So i have a natural gas & water-vapour mixture whose critical temp is.....blah-blah...
Me :(After a gr8 deal of arbit farting around with half-correct & sometimes absurd guesses) Sorry sir...I dont know this...
Him :What..?? You donno this..?!?! This is supposed to be a very important concept in thermodynamics...!!!!!
Me : Errrr....Hmmm... (Yes...!!! Maine pehle question me hi apni m** c**dwa li..!!!)
Him :Ok take that as homework...lets have another question now.....

(And then followed a series of high-funda technical questions on hands-on application...I surprised myself by answering most of em correctly to which my interviewer would promptly respond with "Excellent..!!! Very good indeed..!!" & a couple or so where i gave half-correct answers to which he would ask me to note it down as "homework"....& probably for the first time I felt that I wasnt perhaps doing injustice to that CGPA of 9.43 which rested proudly on my CV..)

Him :(After about 40 mins of questions...) Hmmmm...I can go on like this with more questions...But that will be enough...I am satisfied.
Me : Hmmmm...( Satisfied boletho..?? :-| )
Him: How do u think u performed in the interview..??
Me: I think I could have done better..But nevertheless, I think I have done fairly well...
Him : So do u think u will be selected..??
Me : I hope I am selected sir (With as much earnest anticipation I could salvage in my voice)
Him : Ok, I will be honest with you...You have been shortlisted..!!!!
Me : (What..!?!? Thats it..!! OMG..!!!) Ohhh..!! Thank you sir..Thank u so much..!!
Him : Wait...I just said you are shortlisted...this aint a final confirmation...
Me : ( WTF..!?!? Dont temme I have to "wait" through this too..!!!) Hmmm...
Him : I still need to interview 3-4 more students in IITX & so I cant finalize the results right now...
Me: Is there any area of mine you think I need to work on..??
Him : No no...I am very impressed..You are just fine...The fact that you are only the 2nd person shortlisted after I interviewed about 12 across diff colleges shud tell u that....& I think most probably u will be getting the offer from us too...
Me : (Hmmmm....Now this sounds promising...) Hmmmm...Thank you sir.!!!!
Him : And you should def think about joining us & not BPCL...as you already know...the pay is very flattering...Abu dhabi is a great city...95% of the people here are indians...our work-culture is gr8..the work is...blah-blah....
Me: (arey bhai mujhe maloom hai...apna sapna tho money money hai..!! :P ) Yes sir..I certainly shall...thank u very much...
Him : Right....then that shall be all Shubhankar...thank u very much...

& So...that was that...& hey..I had never felt so good after any interview yet.. & boy oh boy..I had to wait it out for the results for this one too...wait..wait...wait...

With the interview done...a week of arbit cycle tests beckoned...with my schedule unchanged as always...after all...I dont have time to spare from my "busy" schedule for lesser events like cycle tests..but then again...being the "studious, hardworking & sincere" student that I am...I managed to "devote" 30 mins-1 hour for ever exam just before the scheduled time...(Which again made me wonder why I had been doing night-outs till the 5th sem when just an hour gave me the same grades...!!!)

And then...it happened...on 19th Feb... I got a mail from the HR of Technip...& it said...."Welcome to Technip Abu Dhabi..!!!!!"

Finally....it had happened...No more was I just so near & yet so far from where I wanted to be & what I wanted to acheive....No more was I to be the subject of commiseration..& No more am I the man who "could have" or "should have"...
& to all those d**kheads whose only ambition in life has been to belittle what I am capable of & to screw their way into my life...I have nothing to say to you...But with deep reverence...I shall just ask you to "GO FUCK YOURSELF...!!!!!"

The sense of happiness that engulfed me thereafter was... as divine as Shreya Goshal's voice,...as poignant as Adnan Sami's "Tera Chehra"...as pleasurably intense as the realization of one's first love must be... as completely overwhelming as the fulfillment of Darcy & Elizabeth's love for each other in Pride & Prejudice...and as unforgettable as any of the myriad climaxes of Shahrukh Khan's love sagas...

Was I ever heard complaining about my college...???? How could I have been so unfair...????
So what if my college was located 20 kms from any reasonably established civilization..?? (OMG....& I am not supposed to complain for that..!?!? :O )
So what if my college had 90% males & 10% "non-males" (officially listed along with the much rarer species of "females")..??? A couple of them had still proven to be much more reliable pals than some of the b*****ds around...
So what if the food in my college mess sucked ass & was so bad that even dogs refused to eat it..?? It was still made outta our anna's hardwork & sweat (Hmmmm...wonder how much more of their sweat they would need to put in until it can serve as a substitute for salt)

& then....where else could a guy keep cribbing about the opportunities that should have been his...& yet end up with the world at his feet..?? Yes...this could be no Deja Vu...I havent seen heaven yet...I am on the heaven on earth...NIT Trichy..!!! :-)

& GOD....even though I continue to refuse to acknowledge Your existence... I am forced to admit that much of what has transpired conspicuously suggests divine intervention...I shall no longer complain about Your decision to keep me outta ITC & keep me waiting in Schlumberger...coz I now have every reason to believe that is what facilitated my achieving something much bigger. I now know that you have kept me aside for very big things far beyond what I may begin to comprehend as of now...All i have to say to be honoured with this privilege is.."Thank you GOD..!!" :-)

And I give You my word...that from now...whenever hardships present themselves...I shall not grimace with the thought that my existence has been god-forsaken...But welcome them with my winsome smile & rejoice that You have considered me worthy of being tested by Your time & patience...
& that...O Lord..Shall be my humble gift to You for all that You have bestowed upon me & allowed me to acheive...



~~~~~~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A tale of two cities.....& two fests....& two companies....& all that jazz..!!! ( 25th Jan - 19th Feb '07) Vol. - 3

SAARANG '07 vs
PRAGYAN '07..!!

Now why is that I choose to write Saarang in blue..?? After all, could there be any explanation whatsoever to suggest that it had more than enough reason to be called a BF (Blue Fest).. Was it just a coincidence that Mood Indigo & Unmaad (transliteration of "Ecstacsy") were other fests which sought to make their association with the various hues & interpretations of BLUE rather obvious..?? Yes....nothing but a coincidence of course (Did u guys think it was a deliberate attempt..?!?! How perverted..!!!)
But again...why do I call it a BLUE fest..?? Is it because the gals at Saarang are really hot..?? Is it because their attire betrays the reason I (& all other frustu males) stare at them..?? Is it because, for some unexplained reason, Gals here usually tend to shed their inhibitions on-stage & do things which would have u wide-eyed & gaping in disbelief..?? Is it because, the only issue which was thought to be worth musing over in JAMs, Extempores, Debates etc was S*X & the other four-letter, five-letter etc words which usually find their place in such "discussions"..???

Nope...Its simply beacuse..... I am an innocent little kid who likes the colour BLUE..!!! :D

Nothing that happened in Saarang took my mind off the blues...NOTthe Biz-Quiz which i braved alone (it was supposed to be a 3-man event) thanks to Shyam's interests in stuff beyond the blues & Ram's absence,during which a gal not-so-far-away giggled away to my constant wise cracks :P, NOT the so-called "hypnotism" workshop wherein all I could think about during the "hypnotic session to take me back to when I was 5 years old" was how I could get out of the cramped room & return to food & the "Round" world..!!! :P

With Ram anna finally reminding us of his existence (after his night of action..!!)after what was well-past our usual lunch-time...We then proceeded to...ASCENDAS..!!!!
I was told that Ascendas is a bigger, better & a fully-AC version of "Eat Street" (The Hyd gang will know this only too well :P)...& yes...It was a gr8 deal better than I had expected it to be...But I missed the tattoo parlour at Eat Street.. the realization of my dream of getting a tattoo...is long overdue now..!!! :((
With the ritual of eating like monsters done (Ram..that special faluda of yours was outta this world..!!!)...We then happened to notice (among the many loaded matter that demanded our attention)..that a matter in white...seemed to find us..very interesting..!!!! (I say "us" coz...well...all 3 "wannabe hunks" seemed to be getting the stares..!! :D)...She seemed to be in the midst of an all-round tour of Ascendas..but no sir...that dint stop her from checkin us out...(One must assume that Diff angles of admiration only helps the cause ;) )... Then, she goes & joins her mother at their table...Mother..!?!? Shit..There goes any hopes of prolonging this kadalai session ...But wait...she seemed to be lookin at us & saying something animatedly to her mom...& was I imagining her mom giving us a real smug smile..!?!?!? If I was...I certainly wasnt alone...Ram & Shyam cud swear to it too...& now mom & daughter take turns giving us inviting stares....WTF..!?!? Are even the gals(& their moms) in this place so frustu..?!? :O

With this lil kadalai adventure...it was time to say adieu to matter mama Ram with our traditional routine which consisted of...(well..u know what it must have consisted of..!! lolzz)..for what had been a really short stay for him coz of a schedule which only a retard( Hope u recognize urself Ram :D) cud have alloted himself..With Ram off to his war-on-gal haven...me & shyam anna then moved once again to Saarang to salvage some more matter for the day..& settled on the JAM finals...where the importance of perverted fetishes, & the serious matter of "fitting the Schrodinger Wave equation to serve the purpose of s*x" were discussed among many other such delicate issues...The JAMming (as well as loadsa other things) GOD "Ducky" was at his "serious" best..!!! :D
Resigned to the assumption that we had enuf matter for the day...Shyam & me went for a ride in the night..& feasted on some amazing paneer paranthas.!!! :P That....followed by a detailed description of some "important" matters ended the day for us... ;)

The next morn ushered in prolly the best breakfast I have ever had in...(man..this aint supposed to be a flashback session)....!!! Rice...with that delightfully aromatic ghee & sambhar( Sorry dude...I forgot what its supposed to be called..!!)...man oh man...no wonder i out-ate Shyam by atleast double of what he ate for breakfast...& Shyam..the next time I am in Chennai...plz repeat this gourmet feast & i shall show just what a true gourmand is..!!!! :P
We then moved to Saarang..& with nothing interesting on...& with me not in any hurry to check out "workshops" after the gr8 "hypnotism" ordeal..!!! (Duhhh..!!)...it had to be MATTER again that kept us busy...(yes..I graciously accept the charges of being stupid, shallow & narrow-minded to be so blinded by good-looking gals, but enuf talking...lemme concentrate on matter :D)...& what follows when u get high on matter..?? Of course...FOOD..!!!! (Oh man...I shall never forget those divine frankfurters..Even matter will have to wait for this..!!)
With the formalities completed..We then moved to the Buzzer-Quiz Finals...I am sure it must have been extremely exciting, enlightening, exhilirating..blah-blah...& perhaps, had I managed to stay awake during the quiz,I might have definitely agreed...but the only thing I do remember is one of the most wacky & ingenius pick-up intros I will ever come up with, & which I ended up using for a half-known fem acquaintance...!! :D
& yes...we now come to the Prahlad Kakkar Show..!!!! After seeing thru his brilliant ads of Pepsi, Maggi tomato sauce, Kitkat et al..one enthusiast asks him whether a brand can survive without ads...To this..Prahlad Kakkar gave a response..which, by far, has gotta be THE moment of Saarang'07...He says "lemme give u an example of when advertising may not be necessary..I started a restaurant chain by the name 'Papa Pancho'..now how does a brand like this spread..?? Note the similarity of "Pancho" to a word we Punjabis (& now pretty much all Indian males) use...So pple wud come to the restaurant just to chk how a restaurant came to be called 'Pancho' (mind u...NOT b***nc*o..!!)...& it wud always stay on in their minds...coz after their meal they wud either say.."Baaanchoooo..!!!"(outta sheer delight) or "Bhak Bencho..!!!"(outta sheer anger & repulsion)"
{ Plz note that guys have to assume that "Baancho" refers to "B***nc**d" & gals(if at all any are still reading this blog)...plz assume that "Baancho" is just an innocent word which carries no particular relevance..!! :D }

Saarang '07 "climaxed" for us with Ducky & Ranjeev's sublime brilliance in the extempore competition...& which also featured an ash-wannabe...who began moaning & riding the mic to enact the alter-ego of a bar-girl (hmmmm...is "that" what a bar-girl does..!?? arent there enuf pple doing "that" already.???) to which the judge promptly responds "I hope she doesnt actually end up using the mic as a 'toy'..!!"..yup..definitely the BLUE moment of Saarang '07..!!!!

With Saarang done...all that was left to be done the following day was to check out Spencer's (My T-shirt...well...Its different..!! :D ) & spend ourselves on the sands of Bessie beach..
I started off for Trichy that night with a "cool"bus which looked way better than its fare suggested...however, It dint appear all that "cool" when it took me more than 10 hrs to reach Trichy (usual time = 7-8 hrs)...
All that was left to do now was to waste myself away for the day & Pragyan would be ON the next day..!!! (2nd Feb '07)
So what happened in PRAGYAN '07 ..?? Hmmm...good question indeed, what did happen in Pragyan'07..???
Answer :How do u expect a person who is too busy being the chairman of 3 committees (Orkutting, eating, sleeping) of Pragyan' 07 to spare time to know whats happening elsewhere..??
But yes...I shall NOT talk about those amazing pizzas...I will NOT talk abt those irresistibly melting, dripping, cheesy Domino's pizzas that made u feel like the luckiest human around..I sure had built a gr8 acquaintance with a couple of the Domino's pizza crew...after all...noone else's mess account had filled up their coffers more during Festember'04, NITTfest '05, Pragyan'06, NITTfest '06, Summer of '06 (The Domino's Pizza guys were 4m their franchise stall in Coimbatore...which of course I graced during the weekends during my summer intern @ ITC..!! :P),Festember '06 & now Pragyan'07...Guys...its been gr8 knowing u..but remember...I only like u coz u gimme gr8 pizzas...so quit smiling & get my pizza ready..!!!!!!
Aaaah...Gluttony...how divine...how pure...how peaceful...& how satisfying..!!!! :P
Pragyan thus passed away silently for me...with 12 pizzas, probably 10 or more sundaes, noodles etc etc being feasted upon in 3 days flat..!!! Thank you..NITT..I loved celebrating the spirit of technology..!!! I shall again oblige you with my appetite when our cultural talents have to be celebrated in NITTfest'07...!!! :D

So which fest wins the battle..?? Shall it be the blue SAARANG '07 with its amazing babes, decent food, & the opportunities that Chennai offers...or will it be PRAGYAN '07..the fest where u can outeat more than what 4 Saarangs together can offer without spending a buck off your wallet (only for NITT junta & their frds who make bakras outta them..!! :P)..???

Well...is it even a contest..?? What should make u think that a battle was ever on..??
Shouldnt matter & food go "hand-in-hand"..??? :P

& so...I hereby declare that...the winner of Saarang'07 vs Pragyan'07 is.... ME..!!!
(Hmmm....why am I in blue now..??)


Coming up : THE GRAND FINALE`...!!!!!

A tale of two cities.....& two fests....& two companies....& all that jazz..!!! ( 25th Jan - 19th Feb '07) Vol. - 2

"Thambi....Enga poringe..?!?"

Huh..!?!? Wtf was that..?!?! I instinctively looked at the watch...5:20 AM...i cudnt have been sleeping for more than 45 mins at max...& the bus was still moving...Moving..?!?! Wtf..!?!? Then why was I woken up when I chose the luxury of sleeping till the last stop (Koyambedu)..Someone had some explaining to do...
& then i found the someone...the typical thambi conductor anna...who looked like he had done me a gr8 deal of good...
"KOYAMBEDU..!!!" I bellowed...& anna immediately knew who the jackass was & beat a hasty retreat..I was in one of those tempers that led me onto giving anna half a dozen of my choicest gaalis which wud have him weeping all the way back to Trichy...but then socha...rehne do...bichaare ki g***d maarke mujhe kya milega..??
After finally getting to Koyambedu & getting a bus to Velachery (which turned out to be a much easier chore than Shyam made me believe)...I then met up with Shyam anna...who as always...looked...well....well fed..!!!! :P
After a more than satisfying breakfast & a brief kutting (read orkut) session...we made our way to the big mama of all fests in the south...Saarang...where we met up with the big papa of matter..apna own matter mama...Ram..!!! :P
After completing the traditional & extremely cordial greeting routine consisting of polite exchanges such as "M*d*rc**d", "B***nc**d", "Bh***di waale" & other such pleasantries...we then turned to focus on what made Saarang so mattersome....MATTER...!!!!! (For those who know what "matter" is...good,very good...I am proud of you..& for the unenlightened...matter = maal = pottiyan..& if u still dont get it..WTF...just read on..!! )

In his best-selling book "The World is Flat", Thomas Friedman writes "..the playing field is being flattened ..Flattened? Flattened? My God, he's telling me the world is flat!"
Of course, this isnt true...the world isnt & never was flat...only YenEyeTee Trichy is..!!!
Outside my coll, the world (atleast with regards to half of its citizens), & in particular Saarang, was as hypothesized by Christopher Columbus...."Round...a near perfect sphere"
Yes..& though I knew it was no discovery...But I had also seen it with my own eyes...The world is indeed big & round...!!!! ( I shall refrain from any attempts to elaborate on this para :P )
After the brief glimpse of Saarang...we then made our way to Chepauk where we were joined by Bhargav, Shyam's cousin...Wow..!!! I couldnt believe this..I was gonna see my first international match in a cricket stadium...aur wo bhi free me...!!!(Thanks Shyam...wish there were more frds like u..!!:P)..It was around this time that Ram & Shyam decided that I was to be the "BUTT" of their sarcasm [;P]
When the match finally started & Uthappa unleashed a breathtaking assault of pure timing..we discovered that we had in our midst what Shyam called "commentator" and/or "Selector"...However, I shall choose to refer to him, quite simply as "Asshole"...
Some excerpts from the shit farted out by the "Asshole"
* (When Uthappa was gng gr8 guns & we were at 95/1 in 10 overs) "Do you think we have a chance to reach 200..??"
*When Sachin was blasting away...our "Asshole" was busy reading India Today...yup..perfect time & place to read a mag..!!!
*(When Sachin got out) "This was expected...he looked totally out of touch"(yes..he indeed looked outta touch...just a remarkable coincidence that he happened to get 60 off 66 balls that day)
*(When we were losing wickets like crazy in the last 10 overs & runs suddenly became ungettable) "This..!! (with a look of innocent admiration) is true match test cricket..!!!"(Yup..the slog overs in an ODI...true test match cricket allright..!!)
*(When Kumble attempted to steal a run only to realize that the "stomach of India" Powar wudnt make it...)"Yes.!!!.we still have a chance..they are looking for singles..!!!"(Chance for what..?? to make Powar lose weight by attempting singles..!??)

However, I shall not suggest that the "Asshole" made us feel miserable...not with loaded mattersome matter on either side, behind & in front of us...rest assured...we knew were to look for action when 4s were hit..!!![;)]
It was sometime now that I got ambiguous information that I may or may not be allowed to sit for Shell...the ambiguity of the situation fuelling all the frustration of Schlum...& it threatened to ruin what was shaping to be a most memorable first match of mine..& poor old Ram & Shyam had to bear my awful cribs..as it eventually turned out...all the crib amounted to zilch for I ended up with something I had desired more(But that shall come in a later post)..Sorry for chaating u guys that day..!!!

With a hasty dinner during the innings break..we hurried back only to find we were outta seats & so kept shifting our places with change of ends to make sure we got the correct view (Of course i meant the view of cricket u perverts..!!!!!)...& eventually..I found the perfect seat which gave me an unobstructed view of play from either end...& also with semi-obstructed views of what needed to be seen on either side of me...!!! :P

With Marlon Samuels failing miserably at missing the gaps that night, & Lara looking like he wanted to get back & sleep in a hurry...we once again had to find alternate sources of entertainment...which were of course, far more reliable..!!! ;) ( Oh how I wish I cud be the guy who was painting the Indian tri-colour on HER cheek..!!)

With nothing more to do than to get ourselves spent after India's debacle (which by dubious coincidence proved to be their only defeat in the series)..we parted ways...Ram, for what turned out to be a night of action (lolzzz), Bhargav on his way home..and me & shyam anna to dig our way thru all the buses until we found ourselves back at shyam's place...

& THAT ended my first day in Chennai...& what was also my first ever international match at a stadium....one that I will never forget for reasons which are poltically correct..& some..which may not quite be so..!! :D
but it was worth looking forward to the next day...coz ....SAARANG beckoned...!!!


NEXT : The tale of two fests..!!!

A tale of two cities.....& two fests....& two companies....& all that jazz..!!! ( 25th Jan - 19th Feb '07) Vol. - 1

3:15 PM ....25th January, 2007

The screen of the large projector finally came to life with pictures of an uninhabited arctic perma-frosted Tundra...followed by a vast expense which seemed to show nothing but the great blue sea...If the sight of ocean 2-miles deep in water wasnt intimidating enough...The next sequence shows an endless desert which appeared to stand magnificent & yet unconquered by man...If the absence of life was unsettling...We next moved to a rainforest..thick with life to the point where even frogs seemed to have to measure themselves to see if they fit into the less-than-humble dwellings nature had chosen for them...
& then the message goes..
"Here, you have no companions...no friends...nothing to see you through except your own determination..!!!"
( The actual content may have been different..tried my best to reproduce atleast the context in exactness..!!)

But why am i boring you with what obviously is a flick of an episode of a show outta NGC or Discovery Channel..???
The answer: I am NOT..!!!!
These were in fact the opening sequences of Schlumberger's pre-placement presentation at my coll..!!! & as expected....these were more than enough to frighten the wits outta even poeple who had thought of braving the elements for the sweet smell of dough...
After being terrified through 2 hours about how we would have to work in conditions such as 20,000psi...120 degrees C etc etc( ya rite..of course they love their employees..!! :D )...I found myself being shortlisted for the GD & PI...
With an absurd looking Schlumberger tag on my shirt...I kept roaming arnd the hostel & octa to spend the time away until my GD...meanwhile convincing people that the tag dint make me a volunteer of some exhibition....like...Duhhh...!!!!!!!!!
After waiting for what was wayyyyyy past the time a Gd for the first batch of shortlists should have ended...we finally got to know that it was not just a GD...but a "Group-activity" session(whatever that meant.!!) we were expected to brave for no less than 2 hours ..!!!!!!!!!
Once inside Citius (thats the name of the room where the "GD" was held)...hmmmm...the GD on getting your team to survive & lead them from the "dark side (sounds like the Immortal Darkseid doesnt it..?? :P) of the moon" to survival & safety on the basis of the precedence of 15 articles...dint seem all that bad...getting to rank it on your known...discussing (to be read chaating) the survival strategies with ur sub-group mates...& then trying to convince the Schlum guy ki...."Dekho bhaiya...aise hi karna padega warna moon pe humari m** c**d jaayegi..!!!!!!"
By the time the 2 hrs were done...I couldnt help leaving with a feeling of wanting it to continue a lil longer...after all..it wasnt everyday that u realized that magnetic compasses wudnt work on moon coz it dint rotate...or that pistols,signla flares, matches etc wudnt work coz of the absence of atmosphere...nor would solar-powered heating units,radios etc etc work on the dark side of the moon coz....Duhhh..!!! We are on the dark side(I just love the way darkside/darkseid sounds.. :P)remember..?!?!? :D

Luckily (or was it unluckily..?? who cares..?!?) I made it to the final 7 bakras who had to brave the night for the "Schlum Interview" (*boom boom*)..After waiting for what seemed like an eternity...I finally got my turn at 12:10 AM....
The panel that faced me was an Indian guy (I), a young-looking lady from BITS (W), & a Venezualan dude (V)
Here's what unfolded :

Me : Goodmorning Sir, Goodmorning mam (cheeky smile on my face)
W: ahaan..(bearing a very very smug expression..!! :P) Good morning..!!
I: OMG..!!! Is it past 12 already..!?!? (looking at his watch)
(abey dhakkan...2 ghante ka ppt aur 2 ghante ka GD lagayega tho kya der nahi lagega..!?!?)
Me: (Fitting myself into a chair after being asked to)
W: So, whats your name again..??
Me: Shubhankar Bhattacharya mam..!!!
W: aaah....so you are a bengali then..??
Me: Yes (*What else did u expect me to be..!?!? Ethiopian..!?*)
I: okay shubhankar...temme something about yourself which is NOT in the CV...
Me : (*tho CV kis liye maanga phir...!?!? Ghanta maraane ke liye..!?!?*) Yes sir...I was born in..blah-blah...blah-blah.....
I: (looking as if he had been abruptly brought to attention) Whats your GRE score..??
Me: I dint write GRe...
I: Whats your CAT score..??
Me: (without missing a beat) I dint write CAT sir (*Of course not, never even gave it a thought...Btw...what was that exam which I wrote on 19th Nov'06 & got 99.26 %ile in..??*)
I: Then where are u placed..??
Me: BPCL sir...
I: Hmmmm...So u did ur summer internship in ITC...are u the one who got the PPO..??
Me: Yes Sir....But i turned it down..!! (*of course I got the PPO from ITC...& then rejected it na..?? :D *)
I:What..!?!? But why would u do that..!?!?
Me: I wanna make a career in the Oil & gas industry
I: Why Oil & Gas.??
Me: Blah-Blah....
W: But ITC is such a lucrative option..!!!!!
Me: (Acting like my values cudnt bear so much indifference) No...I see a very lucrative future in Oil & Gas..& thats what I wish to be a part of..!!! (Cough Cough..!!!)
I: So why do u want to work with Schlumberger..??? (*Its so comical to see these guys pronounce the finishing akson with the best flair they can attempt*)
Me: Blah-Blah....
I: & what if we dont take u..???
Me: Blah-Blah
V: (*OMG..?!?!? the Venezualan finally decided to talk..!?!?) Whath plaans do u haaf afther 5 eears...???
Me: I dont wish to plan for anything beyond 2-3 years at a time...Blah-Blah...
V: No...but evveeryvone haas some dreams....no..?? You must be wanting a beeeg house...with loths of money...with a beeeeutiful wife...& loths of keeds....yes..???
Me: As of now....its not money that matters to me...its the skill sets that I acquire...blah-Blah...
(*Silly boy....Did u think I applied to Schlumberger because it offers the biggest package on campus by a huge margin..?? Of course not..!!!! It is beacuse...I like to stay trapped in inhospitable conditions where survival itself is a challenge...& checking out lovely looking babes..well...u might as well...check out orkut & p***y for that..!!! Got that Mr. venezualan..??*)
V: (Silently looking at me with a look of new-found respect..)
I: ahem...so whats your favourite subject..??
Me: mass transfer sir...
W: But thats a core chemical engg subject...we dont have any chemical enggrs here
I: No probs...we will just ask u general engg tech
(*saale...phir wohi nautanki..!?!? phir fav subject poocha kis liye..!?!?*)
I: Can u draw the circuit of a torch for me,..??
Me: Err...I have never read that sir...(*Darn it..!!!! yahi poochna tha kya..!?!?*)
I: No probs...why dont u try..?? I am sure u ll get it...
Me: Hmmm....(showed him an elementary circuit consisting of a cell..a bulb & a switch)
I: Hmmm...good good...Now what happens if I give it a 27 V supply..??
Me: (Looking really flustered)
I: Ok then lets move on...plz explain to me the working of a hand pump..!?!
Me: (*Wtf is going on here..!?!?)Errr....I havent studied that either sir...
I: No...give it a try...
Me: (Drew some arbit system like a 4-stroke engine & gave my own arbit fundaes on its working)
I & V : Hmmm.....
I: Ok then...temme one thing that u liked most during our ppt & selction procedure...& one thing that u did not like
Me: Blah-Blah...
I: Ok then..is there something that you would wanna ask us before leaving..!?!?
Me: blah-blah
I,V&W :(after giving the answer) Ok then Shubhankar, nice talking to u...bbyee...

Hmmmmm....I looked into my watch as I came outta the room...it was 12:35Am...definitely not an interview to remember...the fatigue outta the long wait & the un-earthly timings had made it a below-par performance...
Neverthless....wait karke result sun lene me kya jaa raha hai..??

& the result finally came at 1:30 AM..."B--- gets the offer from us...While Shubhankar is on waitlist for now...We shall get back to you hopefully with a confirmation in a couple of months or so.."
Waitlist..!?!??! What the bloody F**K..!??!?!?! I guess something blew in my system upon hearing the news...& my eyesight went hazy & my hearing also became distorted...Fortunately, The Schlum junta never realized it....& they quietly made an exit in the early hours of the morning...
& now that this enormously painful ordeal was done...what am i to make of it..!?!??! Why did it have to be me to bear the screwed-up consequences of a waitlist..!??!?!
OMG...all those horrible memories...all those that I had buried under the thought that "Life is peaceful"...they were back...& I was left to wonder whether life was indeed peaceful....
Now I neither had the right to celebrate with total abandon...Nor did my miserable providence allow me to even cry my sorrows out...
Why had I always had to face such anomalies..???!?!?
Why was I the ITC summer intern who got a gr8 feedback from his guide...but yet did not get the PPO..??
Why did I get 99.26 %ile in CAT & yet end up with no calls..!?!?
Why was I good enough for the Schlumberger junta to praise me...& yet good enough only to deserve a waitlist..??
Why....oh Why...was I always so close to greatness...??? & yet...so painstakingly far..???

The whole of my night was screwed outta any possible sleep with miserable thoughts like these which..as Ram would put it "raped the happiness of my life"....

With morning giving me a chance to once again bury myself in the comfort of Octa...which if not anything else, would atleast allow me to vent my anger, sadness & frustration with some semi-sadist means...
Shyam's call in the morn also reminded me that I had a decision to make...whether to stay disappointed & gloomy...& spend my time in my room....Or pretend that "life is peaceful"...& try to go to Chennai..to watch the Ind-Wi match...& have a blast at Saarang...
Some cheapskates had the nerve to say Congrats where an "All the best" was in order...some m****rf****rs even had the audacity to ask for a treat..(I made a mental note to make sure these guys never get any treat 4m me when I see better days)
It was then that I made up my mind...if not anything else...I would atleast get to escape these asols who make me feel more miserable with their "congrats" & Saarang never did me any harm in any case...
& So i booked my seat in KPN's brand new AC sleeper bus to Chennai...& boy oh boy...this was something new..2 sleeper berths joined together..?!?!?! what if it happens to be a guy & a gal together...??? Hmmmm....& whats this..?? curtains to give yourself the luxury of not becoming an audience to perverted peeping tomboys..?!?! Maaan...if there was ever a bus which gave a frust male the chance to get laid with comfort....this had to be it...!!!!!!!
Unfortunately...the berth(which in fact resembled a comfy bed) attached to mine belonged to a balding guy with a Goatie...!!! (Hmmphhh...!!!!)
As I strected on that amazing bus that night...I realized...that maybe I was being unfair to myself...maybe life was indeed peaceful....after all...My talents hadnt gone unnoticed...Even the most pessimistic would have to agree that I had atleast a 50% chance of getting the confirmed offer from Schlum....Besides, this now also gave me the option to explore other offers coz the waitlist didn't count as my 2nd job...
what the heck....why shud i complain..?? Tommorow I was gonna be in Chennai...I was gonna watch my first ever ODI at Chepauk stadium...I was gonna be witness to Saarang...I would get to see....not non-males..But drop-dead gorgeous babes all around...yes....I told myself that if the big dude up there is/was testing what I am made of, I may yet see better days when He is done...Life...for the time being atleast..was still peaceful..!!!

It was around 4 Am on 27th Jan..& though sleep had never dated me since the night of 24th...It was with these pleasant thoughts that I drifted into a state of pleasant half-consciousness......

(To be Continued..)