Wednesday, May 30, 2007

When Cows Attack..!!! - Part 2

After reading through the previous post , You might have been asking yourself – Ok, so the cows at your place eat a lot more paper at your place and are willing to put in a great deal more of an extra effort just for that lil bit more of paper…Big deal, is that why they scare you so much..?? Duhhhhh..!!!!/:)
That does sound ridiculous doesn’t it..?? And the fact is,that it is ridiculous..!!…Coz their mere obsession with paper could only be amusing or at the most, annoying to me, but fear..?!?! Of course not…!!
That comes with its own story..!!! ( You aren’t surprised, are you..?? ;;))

Let us now turn our attention to two interesting scenes :

Scene 1

I owe this to the thambi friend of mine whom I have already introduced in this blog as the guy who told me to “Don’t use Bad Words da” (Aah…Man…if u are reading this, I never tire of laughing at you. Thanks for being so inherently stuck up in chaos..!! :)) ).
So one day my friend was cycling back from god-knows-where back to the hostel thinking about what jigs he could do in class to keep up his daily duty of kadalai (For those who are familiar with colloquial tamil, You don’t need me to explain this to you…As for the others, you could say it’s a reasonable synonym to “flirting”,…aur hindi bhaiyon, samajh lo ki ye apun ke baasha me laundiabaazi hai…aur agar ye bhi samajh nahi aaya…tho phir bas chup chaap g***d mara lo b-( ..!!!!)…when he found a buffalo (not a cow, but close enough) happily (?!?) eating away at the grass (or atleast that’s what my friend thought it was eating..!!) and so he decided to try some fancy facial expression which would have the gals swooning over him ,( Uhhh..!!! Dude…Get a life..!! When will u come face to face with the truth…?? :^o ) on the buffalo itself expecting it to admire (?!) his “charm” (WTF..!??!).

Well..the buffalo did react to his “charm”, by suddenly unleashing a frightening grimace and preparing to chase him down (Was it coz the buffalo had some “matter” to settle with him coz of his “excess charm”…?? I wish I knew..!!! )…
If my friend thought that his “strong legs” (?!) & his "fast cycle” (?!) would make the buffalo eat afterburn..He was mistaken bigtime… The buffalo was on his tail in no time at all…with a vicious stance pointing its nasty big horns (which my friend managed to notice, were more than capable of destroying his “perfect” @$$..!!!) right at…well…u needn’t be told, right :P..??
Unfortunately for him , none of the lucky persons who witnessed this one-of-a-kind buffalo escape sequence even gave a thought to help him out, and why would they…?? They were getting to watch an incredible movie style laugh-riot unfold right before their eyes…I wish I was there myself…would have rolled over laughing my @$$ out for sure..!!!=
Meanwhile..things were getting really tuff for the “charming” hero…The horns couldn’t have been much more than 6 inches away from his @$$, when he sees to his joy that he is nearly there at the gate of our hostel…& so in an epic move that would have done Akshay Kumar & Ajay Devgan proud during their days in the 90s as flop-action-movie stars, my friend did the “daredevil” stunt (?!) of leaping off his cycle and throwing it to the side in a thorny area :-O…& running away into the hostel…
The buffalo continued for sometime on the same course of impact it had taken & eventually realized that it had lost its “charming” target…& then (according to reports), abruptly gave up all of its hostility and started feeding on whatever grass & paper it could find


Later that day when my thambi friend recounted the events to us, he expected us to commiserate him with sympathy. Unfortunately for him , though none of it was forthcoming...All he got was shameless rascals laughing it out at their friend’s plight…!!!!:D/:-j

That day…I wished out loud that I could get to see atleast one more of a similar cow/buffalo encounter…Should have been careful what I wished for…Coz the wish was granted in less than 2 months time….and I wasn’t exactly laughing when the smoke finally cleared…

Scene 2

Me & my mallu pal Sriram were at the Pearl tea shop…But since both were well aware that with the big gang of cows around us tonight, tea wouldn’t be the best bet to see us through to hostel, alive, we played it safe with a pastry each…
So we were just laughing talking of some arbit g***du joke when we notice that a cow was looking at us pretty sternly as if we had just mothered his mate [assuming the cow was a “he” & was also not gay (unlike a couple of dogs I once saw in “action" ;)), if it was a “she”, then…hmmm…donno what would get her so charged up..!!!!].
So..we decide to play it safe & walk away gently..Coz we anyway had nothing to fear…We dint carry any paper..& cows don’t go for cakes( Or so could be safely assumed)
And what does the cow do in response to our withdrawal..??


It charges at us at full speed…!!!!!!!!!:-O:-O:-SS


Eating cakes was no more our priority, I was too scared to death to realize just how much panic had been stirred up amongst all of the losers who had gathered around the tea shop, & also when exactly I had thrown away my cake in a fluid motion…
This was all about survival..& I wasn’t gonna be rested in peace..much less coz of the actions of a mad cow..!!!!
Many encyclopedia & informative books will tell u that the top speed that can be achieved by an average cow is higher than that of an average man…What it does NOT tell u is that cows can also accelerate upto that higher speed much quicker than a man…Boy oh boy.. Did I get a quick lesson in that when the cow seemed to catch up with us in a real hurry…& was getting too close for comfort..!! (Comfort..!?!? WTF..!?!?) & Then I remembered how my thambi friend escaped from his mess & so change my direction and sprint at full pelt…& guess what…It worked again..!!! <:-P

The cow kept on chasing Sriram until he also figured out that a mere turn would fool the cow…& when the cow lost sight of both of us…He/she again lost all hostility in a hurry & turned to some bakras with paper cups…
However, in my maniacal sprint of fright, I had a hard fall on the paved surface outside the hostel and although, pavements aren’t as rough or abrasive as…lets say..a stony field, they are still considerably harder,and the blunt edges of the pavement were very unforgiving to my leg that day…I had bleeding wounds across my knee, but all that paled in comparison to what had happened to my foot, a big chunk of epidermis tissue had come off entirely off my foot. It pained like hell, bled like a faucet and looked..uhh!!! lets not even talk about that..!!! :-&:-$

Though its been nearly one & half years since I had that encounter & that fall.. the wound on my foot where the skin has peeled off ,still remains as a permanent mark to remind and teach me that
  • Cows are really fast…Don’t race them on..!!!!
  • It is not just paper that drive cows mad…It could be anything…Don’t mess around with gaai log..!!!
  • And, most importantly, cows are blind to direction changes when in pursuit, if u are being chased by a cow, don’t try to outrun it..Coz u wont be able to…Revert to a change in direction..!!!

Believe me, It isnt very flattering to be laughed at by friends after u have been scared to death and have just had a lifelong scarring fall… (Although looking back at it…It was a really amazing experience..!!) I now realize what my thambi friend must have felt..:-S
And that , my friends, is the reason for my morbid fear of cows….Ever since that day, I turn into a scaredy-cat whenever I see a cow (esp. if its within the NITT campus) get too close to me…
I don’t say this with pride…Coz there is no pride to be laughed at, right when u were impressing everyone with ur eloquent words, just because u have been frightened to death by a cow who wants to take away the paper cup in your hand… !!!

But well….things don’t always remain the same…


On my last day in my college, I finally decided to clear the labyrinth of paper & old books from the spidery crypt that my room had become. The ward boy (who, if rumour is to be believed, is in fact a eunuch/hijda/chakka ;)) ) had come earlier to tell me that I should call “him” (well…I guess that’s the closest pronoun I could use for him ) when I am disposing of all the old paper in my room…
And so…I took it all out…Old newspapers, All of my classnotes (which,until 5th sem had been a lifeline for many…), all my question papers, answer sheets, drawing sheets, Xeroxed materials, brochures, envelopes, old & forgotten letters and a great deal more of papery junk,all were dumped before my room…& then…beyond the hostel …I could see….a cow, not looking menacing or intimidating, but foraging around , looking for…could it be paper..??

I looked at the humongous pile of paper…& began going through a few options in my head…
By giving away all the old paper to the ward boy, I would help him & perhaps some other scrap dealer some money…People would also say that I had contributed in recycling of paper, an eco-friendly and economical measure.
But hey…I have spent two months during my summer internship in a recycled paperboards manufacturing mill (Could it be coincidence, paper & cows..all over again..!?!?), and I have seen enough to know that manufacture of recycled paper is neither as “economical” (the factory I worked in, was making losses) nor as “eco-friendly” as people think it is ( I was working on decreasing the effluent losses)…
I know, that it no way justifies the cutting of trees to manufacture paper, But I wouldn’t let go of this chance to complete the food chain as nature had ordained it to be…& without giving it another thought..I went with all of my paper and dumped it before the cow…

The cow then looked up to me with a look which was so pure, so innocent and seemed to ask ..“Is all of this, really for me ?”
To suggest my approval...I backed off & seated myself comfortably on a make-shift seat. Not to look a gift-wrapped (Quite literally) paper meal waiting in the hot sun, the cow came down hard & merciless on the paper…

Sitting there & watching the cow, I found an odd sense of comfort in knowing that all of my newspapers, writings, drawings, all of the exam papers where I had scored so heavily had not got lost in some other human dealing…But had helped feed a poor creature which had terrified me for so long for no fault of its own. (But hey…when I think of that painfull fall, I still say it was the bovine’s fault..!!! :-w )
Pretty soon…two more cows joined the feast ..But there was enough to go around for all of them & so, none was denied a truly gourmet meal…

Eventually the ward boy came along, horrorstruck at seeing the cows eat the paper. He shooed them away & managed to salvage a sorry fraction of all that I had gifted the cows…
He then looked at me with a savage delight, hoping to find an affirmative to his shooing away of the cows…But all he saw on my face was a wicked smile mocking his puny efforts…he knew…he knew right then…It was all my doing…&amp;amp; he had been too late…!!! ;;)

It was this encounter that shall perhaps remain my last with the cows at NIT Trichy…
Maybe the Cow Gods will bless me with salvation, so that I may be freed of being haunted by the most frightening cows on earth, for my noble deed in feeding some of their own…

AMEN..or rather…. MOOOOOO…!!!! 3:-O3:-O3:-O3:-O

Sunday, May 27, 2007

When Cows Attack..!!! - Part 1

Cows..!??!:-S
I have gotta be outta all the freakin intellect I am so proud of..!!! How the hell can I have the nerve to follow up posts on Fests, Interview experiences, p***yish tuff, social enlighteners & even wannabe dark posts with..*dare I say it*...Cows..?!?!?! Isn't that whats on your mind now..??/:)

But before u think of b-( me....Take my word for what it is...This isn't the bullshit it literally appears to be (Or atleast...it isnt altogether boring :P ) Those of you who have known me closely for the last couple of years or so...Will know that a post on "Cows" just had to make it to my blog sooner or later...As for the others...Read on to know about the four letter word that has become , to me, one of only the three things that I genuinely fear (The other two are confidential for now) the most dreaded of them all....the four-letter word that is...COWS..!!!!3:-O3:-O


Of course, Cows weren't always so intimidating to me...Before I had left to college ..Cows remained what they were always taught & believed to be...Calm, Quiet & peaceful creatures who had their own languid of going about their daily routine which always put you at ease. For that matter, cows remained no big deal for the best part of my first 2 years in college. Agreed that at times cows outnumbered Humans in my college campus (Who am I kidding..?? They dint just outnumber us students "at times" they were always in majority from day one of my stay in college..!!!! :-O :)) ) but they never got the attention they so rightfully deserved.

But then...times began changing....& there was something inherently "different" about the cows we had in my college, something which, in the beginning seemed like an ordinary tendency for any cow...However, when I tried to try out a few experiments on cows elsewhere in different cities, I found that results varied widely, & in some cases the behaviour which was so prominent in the cows of NITT was entirely absent in the cows elsewhere...

So what was so unique about the cows on my campus u ask..??
Well...nothing much really...Just that they could do anything for PAPER..!!!! And when I say anything...Boy oh boy..do I ever mean it....they will do just about anything...Fight each other horn & hoof, charge at the nearest pile of paper within their radius of visibility (Of course, their uncanny precision at times suggests to me that they possess an extraordinary additional sense to satiate their appetite for paper) & even... have a showdown with the innocent guy (I have never seen a gal face this...so wont assume to the contrary...I guess they have enough issues with dogs & crows & dont need to be reminded of cows as well = = ) who had chosen the wrong time to be caught with any kinda paper in his hand....

The most infamous of the paper attacks ever was without a doubt, the one (or was it two ?? whatever..) occasion when a Cow took the liberty of relieving a guy of his lab record by making a meal outta it just because he dared to believe that leaving his record on his cycle stand while he was having lunch would save it from the wrath of nature. Perhaps he wasn't wrong...since when did cows gorging on paper become an act of nature..??? :-/
Unofficial reports (Of course they would be unofficial....What "official" news medium did u expect in a campus..?? :-w ) say that the next day...the scene in class when the age-old "The Cow ate my book" excuse became,…well...much more than an excuse,… was one of the most precious class time moments of my batch..!!!

Of course...cow attacks for paper aren't as rare or even as extreme as the above incident suggests...In fact, its a way of life at NITT... Everyone who has a puff or a pastry in the Bru snacks shop and/or Pearl tea shop and/or Jade tea shop knows that you are in for seriously big trouble if u dont get rid of the paper saucer or whatever it is that lets you hold your food,in a hurry...& if u are having tea/coffee/soup in the ultimate gourmet dish for all cows...the paper cup...You better always bear in mind that the paper cup is NOT your property...and has to be immediately offered to the cows to sustain the peace treaty that has been existing between cows & students for ages.
Anyone who has the affront to keep the paper cup for himself or even keep holding it for a minute longer than the maximum allowable time shall thereby be at the mercy of the cows who may choose to do as they please with him...as people whose asses has been poked into by (luckily) not the very sharp horns of our cows shall testify (Agreed that the blows weren't hard...But it still would have hurt..!!! :-& )

Those of you who think that it is perfectly normal for a cow to like paper just because paper are pretty much "processed wood fibre"..Then think again, coz I have tried offering cows in Hyderabad & Kodaikanal, paper while they were eating grass (To determine which one they prefer)...& a few cows sniffed at the paper, some licked it and just took a bite and then left it, and quite a few (Especially those gigantic Kodai cows) didn't even bother with the paper and gave me a look which suggested "Get a life kid...you think I will ever eat this @$$wipe..?!?" [-)

But lets return to talk about the mutant freaks, which are called “Cows” at the NITT campus....
Often...they would look for paper in the most unexpected of locations...For instance, one fine day..I found a cow always staying annoyingly close to me even though I deliberately did not take tea to avoid the same coz of paper cups...& then my junior told me..."Its coz of the slam book that u are carrying..!!!"
Whoa...It chases the paper in a closed slam book too..?!?! @-)
Now that is some desperation..!!! Come to think of it...that was probably also the reason why cows also found my cycle so much more interesting than those of the others coz I had retained some of the original paper cover so that I could use it as an identification....Huh...talk about demand for food..!!!! :-O

But then again...There are times...when Cows become too complex to understand or describe...when things go beyond a mere excessive appetite for paper.... resulting in events that become inexplicably entangled in memory...

& That is what shall form the concluding sequel to my post(s) on COWS..!!!!3:-O

……………Stay tuned coz there is lots “Mooooooooo”re to come !!:P

Sunday, May 20, 2007

"Senti..?? Whats that ??"- The confessions of a Dark & Wretched Soul

Disclaimer :

  • The following work only reflects the author's opinions & is not meant to be interpreted as an attempt to sermonize anyone or change the reader's opinion/beliefs
  • The opinions expressed are not universal in their scope and are directed at a fairly limited number of individuals and NOT to all as some of the words may otherwise suggest.

" I have walked the paths ; the shadowed roads
that led to terror's breast.
I have plumbed the depths of Hatred's womb
and scaled Destruction's crest.

For every secret left unveiled, for evert power learned,
I'd sell the remnants of my soul, regardless how it burned.
And still I sought a higher wisdom few could have attained.
'Though I found it, it would leave me - broken, damned and drained.

For now I find this power gained is more unto a curse.
My spirit burns with every spell and each irreverent verse.
Despite this strength and knowledge earned, I have paid a heavy toll,

Never should've traded power for my own immortal soul."

Only a stone-hearted & soulless human being could have the affront to take the unambiguously humanistic expression of "senti" & tear it to shreds, cowering in the comfort of being in the safe sanctuary offered by the limits of bandwidth, separated in thought & physical being from the very thought process he despises, and yet lay claims to displaying enormous courage & mental fortitude to accomplish this un-'senti' task. And yes, I am the proud being who gets to commit this sacrilege.

A word which has now become synonymous with farewells in colleges - "Senti". When people are asked whats the big deal over senti, pat comes the repy "Hey, its the last few days of our final year dude !!, How can u not get senti when people go away ?!?!"

So that's the deal - You get senti, or rather,you are supposed to get senti when people go away & you might never see them ever again !!!

"So.." I asked one of my friends.." Doesn't this senti feeling have any significance when you are actually in the company of or spend time with the very people whom you are bidding farewell to ??"
"Hmmm...I donno all that...But why the F**K are u asking so many questions ?!? Aren't u senti that we might never see so many of our classmates ever again??" was my friend's response

"Not really" was my nonchalant response, and before he could enlighten me of the earth-shattering implications of my reply I just gave him a "Its OK, I know you will never understand" and moved aside from the "Senti" scene...


Yes..its true...Its damn true...I actually do NOT feel senti about not seeing my classmates (save a very few chosen ones)..I know not whether anyone shares my grotesque beliefs or whether even a single reader will not recoil in disgust at my macabre thoughts.
But I haven't always been the hard-hearted being that I have become now...

There was a time when I was senti...Very Very senti...!!!
Not just for those who bid farewell to their classmates and who recollect the most insignificant trifles which had never been brought up in all of the earlier time together, only when they were no more an issue to be considered,..But for all of those who came into my acquaintance, I was senti for all my friends. The very word "Friends" became synonymous with everyone whom I smiled at, everyone who was my "friend" on orkut, all my classmates, roommates, wingmates & it didn't matter how long the list went on...For everyone who had a breath to share,deserved to be honoured with my "friendship" - Or so I believed.
How delightfully pure were those days when I could brush aside anger or imprudence in action as one-off exceptions of people of "friendly" conduct - Who wouldn't wanna be senti about such a gang of friends who meant more than the world to you ?? It didn't matter to me whether it was studies, serious advice or just mere company that my "friend(s)" expected of me, But whatever I was doing just had to wait till I was done doing what my friends wanted....After all..I was bonded to them by "Senti"...!!!

If only they had let me remain what I always had been- A soft & pure soul who would never let go of any opprtunity to help a "friend" and to share his burden or give him something to smile for...
Maybe then I would have cheated destiny into not making me the cold-blooded rascal that I have become - One who has taken an oath not to vilify his conscience with people who called themselves his "friends" and doesn't give a damn to whether his "Friends" even acknowledge his existence.

Perhaps providence wishes to mock me with this wicked irony-
To know that "Friends" who weren't denied their request when they needed help studying subjects would one day look upon me merely as an obstacle with a high GPA who needed to be countered to realize their own 9 point dreams, "Pals" who wanted me to never change from being an honest, helpful guy went around preaching that malicious intent was at the centre of my "friendly" demeanour, Guys who came to me to help them before campus interviews were also never were too shy to let "friends" of their own know that I had vested interests in snatching their livelihood away, A couple of catastrophic debacles in final year was all it took for a few "die-hard" fans to disappear from my company as if in muted mockery.

You think I am a sore loser don't you - Writing a post cribbing his a$$ out for nothing that makes sense....???
Perhaps you are right...But you know what...???To know that your stone-heart is invulnerable to the vagaries of human "friendliness", to know that you dont need to trust secrets with people who eventually become loud-mouth back-biters, that you are no more susceptible to the improprieties of undeserving company and that you learn to place your faith in the ONLY person that shall forever stay loyal to you - Yourself, is a very comforting thought indeed.

Now when I look back and read all that I have poured out in this post I cannot help but gasp & recoil in muted shock at what my thoughts are or have been...That I even conceived, nevermind the fact that I wanted to be, being a stone-hearted being...& though no tears are forthcoming from my eyes which have long been dry with indifference, I actually feel my dark soul becoming vulnerable with "senti" all over again, I realize that there is still a part of me which remains a human made of flesh, tears & blood, perhaps beacuse I owe my present state of indifferent invulnerability to all that my "Friends" have given me in return for my own "senti" in a time which now is nearly a forgotten memory.

I am grateful to you, my "Friends", for showing me the difference that indifference has made to my life. And though, my pride & ego shall never allow me to genuinely call u a friend ever again for all the senti that you have robbed my being of, I sincerely hope all of you accomplish whatever you set out to achieve and make a difference to many more lives (Just like you did to mine), although I wonder if I will ever hear or want to hear about any of you....

"...For every secret left unveiled, for evert power learned,
I'd sell the remnants of my soul, regardless how it burned....

...Despite this strength and knowledge earned, I have paid a heavy toll,
Never should've traded power for my own immortal soul."