Friday, April 27, 2007

"Yet another" auto ??

This remains, to this day, one of the most remarkable chain of events I have gone through & one which I will never ever forget, I have no clue how this didn't make its way into my blog earlier...But better late than never as they say...

This dates back to my time as a 12th class guy (Or as we used to call "Inter 2nd year") in LFJC when we used to come to college every Sunday to play our usual round of cricket matches (Oh ya.. the college expected us to come for some "sunday tests" too:)) ) After yet another fulfilling round of cricket matches on yet another Sunday.. I thus looked around for an auto..& since there was only one...left with no choice...I got in for yet another auto trip.."Raj bhavan Road jaana hai anna"..
"Right saar"... beeped my autowallah for the day..yet another unshaven & miserable looking autowallah..Oh well..I dont take autos to admire their drivers in any case...
One of the advantages of staying far away from your school - It takes atleast 40-45 minutes for any auto to get u there - Plenty of time for introspection, to muse on the day's happenings , or just to relax & maybe even take a short nap
"Damn...No Music player in this piece of junk..!!!" I discovered after a small observation...oh well..I had to learn to relax without listening to those glam-doll remixes sometime or the other...might as well get started now...:-<
"Saab..aapko Chandrababu Naidu kaise lagta hai..??"
Huh..?Why the hell was this autowallah so interested in Chandrababu Naidu just when I wanted to have a silent nap..?? He sure was asking for some trouble
"Nahi maloom bhayya...mujhe ye sab politics me koi interest nahi hai"
"Hmmm....Kaiku boletho.."snapped the autowallah as if my reply had no relevance to what he wanted to say "wo itne saare flyoveraan kholke rakha..ab dekho.. full traaffic jaaam ho gaya... uske liye tho mein next election me pakka vote nahi kartoon.."
"Hmmpphhhh" was all that the autowallah got as my reply to his oh-so-interesting plans for the next election...& he took the hint & cut his talking for the time being.
I could hear my autowallah generously swear away all he could to the junta stopping his way in the traffic...& many other innocent bystanders who also got a generous helping of his gaalis for no apparent reason...
Yup...he was yet another autowallah all right..

So when we had finally managed to break past the traffic at Tarnaka... it was the autowallah who broke the silence with "Saab..aapke college me fees kitna hota ? "
After telling him the fees (albeit with a great deal of reluctance, even more so coz he seemed to have a question for everything...like whether that fees include the cost of books etc etc) he then went on to explain the reason for asking me a very very odd question for an autowallah to ask..
"Saab...kaiku boletho.. mera daughter abhi 10th me hai...wo bout acha padhti maloom... usku 9th me kitna aaya maloom kya aapku ?"
(Hmmm...This wasn't turning out to be yet another conversation after all)
"Nahi bhayya....kitna aaya usko ?"
"Usko 96 % aaya saab..!!! "
"96 %...?!?!?! wow...!!!!!!! That is superb..!!! ":-O:) I blurted out in sheer surprise...& I could see that my reaction brought out a warm smile from the proud father... Now it wouldn't have been a surprise to have him say that he is proud of his daughter having got...say 75% or 80%...many such people even celebrate just if their wards pass exams in secondary school...But 96% meant this yet another autowallah's daughter...certainly was one in a crowd..!!! What a success story that would make for a newspaper...rather than reading about drunk celebs on page3 we ought to be hearing about such achievers... But enough of my drifting thoughts...Lets move ahead...

"Haan saab...mein kitna khush tha aapku maloom..Usko Ravindra Bharti me bhi CM saab award diya maloom"
I responded with a truly warm smile which meant to tell him as earnestly as I could to continue with these remarkable revelations.
"Isliye mein aapko fees poocha saab...Mein apni beti ko aapke college me daalta..usku bada doctor banata"
"Haan...aur wo zaroor bahut badi doctor banegi" I added, again with genuineness in all that I felt & expressed
"Aapko SI maloom kya ? "
"kya SI ?"
"SI boletho Survey of India"
"Arey haan...Survey of India tho maloom hai..par wo kyun ?" I asked coz I felt a lil odd that he was interrupting the talk on his "prodigal daughter"
"Kaiku boletho...Survey of India me mera brother ek bada officer hai maloom"
" Acha...?? Hmmm..." This was kinda getting a bit overboard...This guy was once again starting to sound like yet another loudmouth autowallah/:)
" Haan saab..wo bahut bada aadmi hai...paisa wala.. pata hai aapko..uska beta ko kuch bhi nahi aata...phir bhi wo abhi Ramaiah me hai..." (For all Hyd/AP and/or IIT aspirants..Ramaiah needs no introduction...however for the unenlightened, Ramaiah is arguably the most sucessful institute for IIT coaching & also {under ordinary circumstances} the toughest to get into) "...Poocho kaise ?"
"Kaise ? " (Duhhhhh..!!!):-w
"Wo bohat paisa diya saab... wo *&%$#@ saala..."
Hmmm...Interesting way of addressing ur own brother na..??"
"Wo mujhe bhi ghar se nikaal diya saab... aur bola ki mereko koi auto chalane wala bhai nahi hona..."
Ohh...so this was the connection..This story was starting to get really intriguing here..Could this guy still be yet another autowallah..??:-S
"Ye...ye tho usne bohat bura kiya aap ke saath...aap tho unke bhai hain" came out my shaken words...
"Haan saab..abhi kisi tarah mein auto chalake ghar sambhalroon... bas mujhe ab ek hi cheez hona... meri bachchi padh likh ke badi doctor amma banna "

At this point, I didn't know whether to smile to the unabashed love & faith this proud father offered to his lucky & gifted daughter...or to sigh & offer him my commiserations for how un-brotherly his brother had become to him....& as was so often the case back in those days...my hesitation & indecision manifested itself in total silence...whether the autowallah took it as an insult to not get any response to his story...or whether he was glad to be given time to recollect, I still don't know..:|

And so...after a most absorbing round of revelations..we once again withdrew into total silence
Perhaps this is what caused another round of coughing & sneezing...for I could offer no reason as to how I, who had a very major cold that day, had no problems while my mind was musing over all that I had heard from this autowallah who...could he be yet another autowallah..??
"Saab...aapko sardi hua" came the words from the autowallah, to break a long silence
"Haan...par koi baat nahi...theek ho jaayega.."
"Aap kaunsa tablet le re saab sardi ke liye ?"
"Mujhe naam yaad nahi..dispirin shayad se.."
"Saab...dispirin aapke type ke sardi ke liye acha nahi... aapko bruffin lena chahiye..usme bilkul correct amount me paracetamol hai "

What the Hell was THAT..?!?!?!?:-O:-O:-O:-O
Was I just hearing things or did an autowallah, no different from yet another autowallah actually compare two prescribed pharmaceutical drugs based on their paracetamol content..??? ( A couple of months earlier & I would have drawn a blank at the merest mention of the word "paracetamol")..This just cannot be happening...Nothing of all that has happened so far could possibly happen...I must be hallucinating..!!!!!@-)@-)

"Kya hua saab...aap theek tho hai na ?"
"Huh..?!?!" I was broken from my trance & there he was...that very guy...whose daughter was a 96%er & had received a CM award...whose brother was a big officer & who had ditched their relationship...the very guy who said that bruffin had a better paracetamol formulation than dispirin...Oh Horror of Horrors..!!! He was damn real all right..!!!!:-SS:-SS
"Errr...kuch nahi...aap chaliye"
His amused expression as he turned his back on me was too obvious across his face for me to miss...In all my astonishment, I had failed to acknowledge his suggestion of taking bruffin...But now was not the time for cordial exchanges...I wanted to get out of this auto in double quick time..
..
..
And in 5 minutes...I did get home

As I took out my wallet..I checked the fare on the meter..
& THEN ...

"56..?!?!?!?!" I exclaimed wide-eyed in disbelief...In all of my attention to this autowallah's remarkable story & peculiarities...I never had considered checking on the meter...
"Kya hua saab...Zyada ho gaya kya ?" asked the autowallah with no discernible expression on his hardened face
"Naa...Nahi...arey ye 56 kaise hua..aaj tak kabhi uppal se raj bhavan road ka bhaada 56 nahi aaya hai mujhe...kabhi 75 se kam maine diya hi nahi hai...!!!!!!! Ye itna kam kaise ho sakta hai..?!?!"
(Yes...This was what had taken me by shock...College to home- a good 18 kms..never did I ever come across an auto which charged me less than Rs 75 for the trip...& most autos would in fact go well above 80...How..In all of the thousands of autos that hyderabad is blessed with..Could this one charge me so low..!?!?)

"Saab...aapko sach boloon tho.. wo sab autos poora meter badal ke rakh dete...is meter ko maine kuch bhi nahi kiya...yahi ekdum 100% correct fare hai saab" He said beaming with as much pride as his earthen face & eyes could allow him

How wrong was I to allow my narrow-mindedness to overwhelm me..?? This remarkable human being...forsaken by his brother & so proud of his daughter..was also perhaps the only genuinely honest autowallah around..I reddened...ashamed of how low I let myself stoop in judging a man of such great virtues...
"Ye lo bhayya.." I said giving him 60 rupees...& as he rummaged in his pocket to look for the change he was supposed to return..I held his hand to stop him from what he was trying to do...& then gave him an extra 5-rupee coin..
"Aapke liye bhayya... Thank u mere saath baat karne ke liye.. Mein aapka bruffin lene ka advice zaroor follow karunga"
Words cannot describe the effusive happiness that radiated from the broad smile from the man at that moment. I gave him a lil wave of my hands & made to go home..

"Hi. I am Mahesh"
That was a sentence in correct & fluidly spoken english...& then the man offered me his hand & said "It has been a real pleasure talking to you"...the man was none other than the autowallah himself..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I donno how long it took for me to register the reality that I was meant to be a part of...in all the time my conscience had taken a hike, a wide mouthed "haaaaaaaaaa....." was all the sound I could make...@-)@-)
When I was finally aware of the animal-like sound I was making in my shock...I tried to compose myself...& offered a limp hand to shake his outstretched one...eyes still as wide-eyed as they have ever been in my life
"I was a sectional manager in Madras Chemicals, that is why I speak English fluently, I seem to have really surprised you ? " he said with a naughty gleam in his eyes
Surprised..!?!? Huh...Took my breath away would be an understatement..!!!
"Yaa...I.I..donno...auto..But why...auto...why..??" I said...& pointed at his auto to let him find some coherence in the isolated words I uttered out
"Hmmm... as i told u I was working in Madras Chemicals, & was very happy until I found that there was internal corruption in the company & some people were robbing the company blind..When I tried to report this, the situation became a nightmare to me as some of the bigshots in the company were also involved in the scam..."
"So what happened then ?" asked I with trepidation..
"What else..?? I was fired..!!" He casually remarked with a hint of dry laughter
"OMG.. How could anyone do this ?"
"Hmmm...anyways...I kept looking for a job for the next 2 months, but there were just no vacancies for anyone of my kinda background... With no earnings for my family, my uncle then suggested me to take an auto & become an autowallah...Thats when my brother deserted our relation"
He saw through my mute shock as if looking into a pool of clear water & he knew that I felt every bit of the horror & grief that he must have felt for so long...
"So thats why I have been riding an auto...& I had to adopt the rustic Hyderabadi tongue to fit in with the other autowallahs..."
An "Oh" finally betrayed me...
"This job isn't all that bad after all...I think in a month or two I might be in a position to save enough to buy another auto & let it for rent.."
"I am sure a person of your ability will definitely be doing much more than riding autos..Your daughter is so brilliant sir...I am really sorry if I was rude to you"
" No..not at all...I should in fact thank you. You know, you are the first one who has let me tell my whole story & not interrupted me or behaved rudely with me...I am really pleased to meet students like you... So what are your future plans then ?"
" I will probably be doing an MBA sir...I am not sure " (Oh how i wish I had been able to look into the future 5 years from that time..MBA my a$$..!!:)):)))
"Thats great...I am sure u will go very far in your career...Well then, we have talked for enough time..I dont want anyone to see me talking in english...I better get going now... Thanks a lot for listening patiently to me"
"Thank you sir..Thank you for your company...I will never ever forget this.."

& then...with a wave of his hand & with a jerk of a lever...he bounded off with his auto...
The autowallah whose daughter had received a CM award for scoring 96%, he whose brother had ditched him for being a "lowly" autowallah, who knew more about paracetamol than I perhaps ever will, a manager who had been fired for spreading the message of honesty in his workplace, the only autowallah with whom I spoke in formal english & also the only autowallah whom I addressed as "Sir" & I had the affront to think he was yet another autowallah...

That day i made a silent resolve to myself...Never again will I dishonour the company of any person whom others might call yet another ordinary human being.
So whether its consciously done, or a manifestation of a newly-formed habit, I never ever deny anyone the opportunity of a conversation, be it the mess anna who asked me for Rs.100 so that he could rush home to solve some family probs, or the nepali ice-cream wala who told me how he had always wanted to study some IT course & work in an AC office but was tricked by his friends to join the restaurant business or even any other autowallah who seems that much happier just because I let him smile & talk all he wants to...
For you never know...the person you consider yet another loser might be the one who walks way thinking that u were yet another cold-blooded & selfish human being in this world where brothers dont remain brothers to autowallahs...

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Monday, April 16, 2007

"Dont tell 'BAD WORDS' da...!!"

"Damn..!!!! Its so f***ing hot..!!!"#:-Sthe same words escaped my mouth yet again on just another midsummer nightmare of a day in Trichy...

"Dei...!! Dont tell "bad words" da...!!" said my thambi friend...[-X

"Huh..?!? dont tell "bad words" aa..?? WTF is that supposed to mean..??":-/

" See...you are once again using "bad words".."

" Abey bh***di waale...!!X( If you don't tell me what these "bad words" are that u are talking about... then how the f**k am i supposed to stop using them..!??!?!

" No da... you are using all these words like F**K & all too much these days... its not good manners...i think u should control using such "bad words""

" O B***nc**d..!!!:-O So according to u "F**K" is a bad word...?!? Then u will probably ask me to stop using other "bad words" like "m**d*rc**d","b***nc**d","ch****ye", "bh***di waale","a$$hole" etc also then..???"

"Yes da... It is very offending...You are using these "bad words" all the time...sometimes it is ok in private conversations between friends...But you are using it everywhere & for everything":-O:-O

"..and whats wrong with that..??"/:)

"Dei... come on...There is something called "manners" that we are supposed to follow...You are even using so many bad words like "m****rf***er" in ur blog itself & asking others to come and read your posts..Its so disgusting...It offends me a lot..":-S

"Dude...WTF is wrong with u..?? get a grip on yourself.. This is pretty common now... Dont u think u are over-reacting..??":-w

"No da....Please..dont use such language when u are with me.. I cant stand it anymore"

"OMG...I dont believe this..!!!":-O:-O

"Dont believe what da..??"

"You remind me of someone familiar..!!!!"

"Really..?? who da..??"

"You remind me of.....ME...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ":-O:-O;;):D/<:-P

" What the F**K are u saying da..?? How can i remind you of yourself..???":-L
"Heyyyy...u just said F**k man...Thats a "bad word"..!!""

"Abey that just slipped out of my mouth da... But u were kidding about me reminding u of yourself na..??"

" No dude... I wasn't..!!":D

" What...?!?!?!?! OMG.... How can this be..!?!?":-O:-O

"Dude... Just chill out... take a deep breath... & relax"

"Huh..??!?" (With a look that said.."Have u lost your b*lls"..!?!?X( )

" Buddy... Today I am gonna tell u a remarkable story... which is gonna enlighten you about so many complex things about life... u will learn so many things from me... just like I once did from another person"...

Yes indeed people...for any of you who thought that this conversational is/was fictional or borrowed from somewhere else or even inspired...Nopes...It aint none of that...This is 100% fact and/or reality (as have been all my posts thus far)... and so too is the story that I told my "virtuous" friend which I shall now share with u...

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This story takes u back in time to July 2004, not long after I had entered my new room on the top floor of Diamond Hostel... where I now slept with (well ya...room-mates do sleep together..dont they..!?!?;);)) Parijat, Prashant Jadia & Prashanth (names retained to facilitate sublime flow of thoughts...& in the case of NITTian readers... to prove the truth of this post) although we just preferred to call the second Prashanth "Peanut" (Don't ask me why)...

Back then... I was called "pure" by my batchmates... No, I don't mean purely vile...But purely pureO:)..(Ya rite... Duhhh...!!!b-() People who now know me as a guy who can't make a sentence without some gaali or the other filling in as a fullstop or comma, would probably not believe it when I say that not only had I not used sentences without any gaali(s)...But I was yet to utter a single gaali in my life...!!!!!!!!!@-)
All that would leave my lips would be an extremely stray "f**k" if I genuinely meant some serious emotional and/or physical damage to the recipient of my gaali... or the now kindergarten "idiot", "stupid" etc etc....

So we now move to that evening... i was lying in bed...reading "Prodigal Daughter"..(a book which, I now realize, I never managed to complete#-o)..while Jadia was in his bed reading the latest Digit magazine (yup,each one of us thought the other was more geeky!:-B)
Parijat strutted into the room with all the air that you could expect a thespian to carry about him...ready to pronounce something important...

"Oye M**d*rc**don..!!!! Chalo lets have dinner at canteen tonight.!"B-)

"Dude...enough is enough..!!!" was my response..

"Exactly...I have also been waiting to say the same..!!" Jadia added...

"WTF are u guys saying..?? I dont understand..." muttered Parijat

"I will tell u what we are saying...we are fed up of having u call us m**d*rc**d every single day & night for absolutely no reason at all...!!!"X(

"We never give u any gaalis..& yet u keep calling us M**d*rc**d every now & then" was Jadia's contribution to the situation.."

After we had obliged him generously by showering all the hostility we could offer our roommate (who was otherwise of course, our good pal)..It was now Parijat's turn to begin Round 2...

"Right...so now lemme ask u guys.. If you had to give gaali(s) to someone, would u go & give it to a stranger..??"

Jadia looked at me 8-| and realized that we were in agreement... "No of course not...!!!!"

"Glad that u realized that...So would u then go to an enemy of yours you are not on talking terms with & give him a gaali..??"

"Nope....that would be highly unlikely" came the expected reply (But where's he leading us to with these questions..??:-w )

"So...Can u tell me that if u had to pick a person...or lets say a handful of people u had to give gaalis to... who would they be..??"

Hmmmm.... Now this was an interesting question... never had given it a thought before... Who would I swear at if I had to..???:-?

"Let me tell you the answer if you haven't realized yet...." declared Parijat as if he knew all that was happening like the palm of his hand.." You would first abuse your closest friend(s)...!!!!!"

"What..!??!:-O But thats preposterous...!!! How could u think of coming up with such a thought..!??!"voiced the two of us...still figting valiantly on the side of "virtuosity"

"Dudes ... Get real... Tell me when have u guys used gaalis so far in ur life..??"

"Hmmm...I suppose when we have had a fight with someone...or someone has hurt us real bad..":|

"And who do u fight with...?? & who has the capability to hurt with what he says or what he does..?? Could it be a stranger or an indifferent enemy..??"

"Hmmmm...."

" Search yourself...Everytime it must have either been a good friend...or someone who was your good friend at sometime in the past"...

& yes...He was so right..!!! OMG...what a realization... The only people we had ever abused were our friends..!!! So what could this possibly mean now...???

" Guys... When It's a fact that we only give gaalis to our good friends... then why wait for times of anger or sadness to give them..?? Why can't we show them that they indeed are our close pals by sharing our gaalis with them all the time..?? It is for this reason fellas...that i call u m**d*rc**d even though both of u have ur own names... But when all of us call each other by gaalis... It unites us..!!!":) were the words that left that proud thespian Parijat's lips in an unforgettable moment...

Whoa..!!! What depth of understanding...!!! What a magnificent student of "Friendship"... Bravo..!!!!!!!!!

Thank u Parijat for showing us that gaalis aren't just the offensive slang that ruffians use on roads (hey,we are cultured gentlemen.!!:P )...We owe u a very big debt for enlightening us..^:)^^:)^^:)^ ... and also a truck load of gaalis... I have been waiting so long to blast ur a$$ u b*****d..!!!

and with that...we m**d*rc**ds walked away to canteen for a wonderful dinner...where we happily swore away to the night... following which, we lived happily after... (atleast till the end of 2nd year... after which we moved into different hostels)

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When I had finished telling this story to my thambi friend... the effect was...well... dramatic... he actually apologized to me for objecting to my gaalis... He said he couldn't believe that he had been so naive all along about using slang... & gave me his word that he would also abuse me as a token of our friendship and that he would carry this enlightening message of mine far & wide...

I was honoured with this overwhelming show of respect & thus proceeded to forward to him this blockbuster of an SMS which is my all-time favourite...

^^^^^^^^^^^
Conversation between a Teacher and his student (In Hindi)

Teacher : Teri shikayat aayi hai ki tu gaali bahut deta hai...

Student : Ghanta B***nc**d..!!!
Maine Kis Ch****ye ko gaali di..??
Pata nahi kis m**d*rc**d ne aapki g***d me ungli ki hai..
Wo b***n ka l**da agar saamne aa jaae.. tho uski m** c**d dunga...

Sir, aapka student g***d marwa lega...
Par kisi ko kabhi gaali nahi dega...!!!!!:-O
=))=))=))=))=))=))=))

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

As my friend and I laughed our a$$ out to this joke that afternoon... My friend re-iterated one more time..." I cannot thank u enough da, If it had not been for u...I donno how much longer I would have gone on without using gaalis...Its so refreshing to be able to vent out your anger & frustration like this"

"Abey a$$h**e... cut the bullshit... I din't tell u this long f***ed up story in this god-damn heat for free... get me a bloody ice cream..!!!"